Tomorrow in Jessica and Me

I’ve been bad about updating lately. Mostly because I started this account to write about my sexual exploits, and now that part of my life is in my history. In some ways I feel guilty about it when I come here.

But I’m going to propose to Jess tomorrow and I wanted to write a little bit about it here. I picked up the ring this morning. We have reservations to go out to her favorite restaurant tomorrow. I’m going to ask her to marry me before we head out to dinner.

I know it will surprise her. Some couples talk a lot about marriage and the proposal isn’t really a surprise when it happens. Jess and I have talked about it. I’ve told her on a few occasions that I want to be her wife, and she always responds positively. Then about a week ago we were watching something on television about a wedding and she commented to me that she didn’t want to do anything that fancy when we get married. I took that as a positive confirmation. I went ring shopping the next day.

It’s interesting to me that I’m completely prepared to marry a woman. A year ago, that thought never would have even crossed my mind. But this is a relationship of love and friendship unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. After struggling with a desire to fuck anyone with a penis, I now can imagine being with anyone other than Jess.

I realize in retrospect that I don’t think I’ve ever loved a man. I certainly thought that I did. I thought for almost my whole life that I was a normal heterosexual woman. And I can’t deny that I’ve enjoyed sex with men. But I’ve never had these feelings for a man before. I know it’s a cliched thing to say, but these feeling I have for Jess, what I now can identify as love, are feelings I’ve never felt for anyone before.