dating in --

The trouble with dating is that I am confronted with harassment and am often sexualized. I think it happens even from men who consider themselves to be “feminists.”

Jacob said awhile ago that he saw a woman’s profile (we’ve both been on okcupid.com for awhile now) and she was wearing a bra and in her photos and had a disclaimer in her profile about getting sexual messages and not to bother sending them, etc. He said that she should have expected to get those kinds of messages, given the context of the pictures.
I completely disagree. And, I am often subjected to this kind of language and behavior and my pictures are nowhere near me in my bra… not that it matters. Harassing someone with sexual messages is not really okay, in any context.

I have also had plenty of discussions of men accusing me of not being a “real” feminist. I’ve been mansplained. The semi-anonymity of being on the internet, coupled with it being a dating site seems to amplify misogyny.

Sigh.

Dating also includes more complicated dimensions than it used to, especially now that I’m a parent, am non-monogamous, and in my mid-20s. I have little time for forming new connections, and to be frank, little interest in it at the moment. I keep myself open to possibilities, but coming out of a long-term relationship has me reeling. I feel like I know more about myself and what I need/want out of my relationships, but I also feel really lost and confused. Sometimes I’m scared I always will.

I have been seeing someone since February. He is a few years younger than I am. He wants to move out of the country soon. If we end up being long-term, it’ll mostly be long-distance. The nice thing about non-monogamy is that I get to keep my relationship with him, and form new ones with people who are physically closer to me.

I guess I thought that this new exploration would be less taxing and made me less weary than it has, but I suddenly remember now why I used to dislike dating so much.

I suppose I’m not really looking for an end-goal, so it’s a tad less stressful, and I’m not very lonely much.

Last updated June 15, 2016