Thoughts on Recent Events. in Life In The Now.

It seems everywhere I look, someone is going through something, something is happening and usually beyond their control.

It’s a sad situation when I sit and dwell on it, why can’t things just ever be simple? Why can’t things, just be straight forward and un-complicated, for some reason tonight I’m dwelling on my dad and his complicated life, probably with all the things going on with my uncle I can’t help but cast my mind back to the most recent person I lost, even though he wasn’t a big part of my life, it has been less than 12 months since he passed but it somehow feels longer.

I cut my half-sister out of it completely after the funeral. I had no time for her after everything that happened when I went down there and just didn’t want her in my life anymore.

It seems like life is just one event after another and the smooth parts aren’t terribly long, it’s rare we get to peak into the next chapter and find out what will happen next but the scary part is that sometimes the next chapter can be where the story ends.
So I’m brought back to the ‘What If my uncle did kill himself?’ the story is over for him but the damage would linger wouldn’t it? It wouldn’t tear me apart, but it would my aunt and it would be for me to hold everything up again.

I find suicide with him to be selfish, regardless of whether he is in a mental state or not, taking that option without actually asking for help first, exhausting every option but yet blaming everything and everyone else around him as oppose to taking responsibility for anything in his life vexes me.

Tomorrow we’ll go and do a lot more clearing for him, part of me is on fire with this whole thing, another part is glad he’s asked for the help and I don’t mind because he has been good to me but the circumstances in which he’s getting my help have rubbed me the wrong way and I’m sure we will chat about that one day but that is some way off.

It took me a lot of years to realise what was important in life and those realisations / reassessments didn’t come until after some very significant events happened, some of which he has shared. I don’t know where his head is at but I suppose for now my only outlet for this is here and my aunt.

Kind regards,
G