Mom. in Other shit.

I called my mother in Thailand who was supposed to be back here with my dad by Christmas. It was Spring. Then Summer. Then Christmas. And now it's back to "I'm coming in Spring it's too cold now."

So I don't know when I'm going to see my mother. Or when she'll see Froggy. She is missing EVERYTHING.

Nothing I can do. And maybe it's for the best she's not here yet since she will be with my dad and he and I are still not on good terms. I don't know if we CAN ever be again. I don't know. It's not that I'm so hurt. It DOES hurt sometimes really bad. But for the most part I'm just completely numb to it. It's been my whole life like this.

Anyway. Talking to my mother was amusing to say the least.

She tells me not to let Froggy watch too much tv and play too many games. Which is really strange for me. Because I am so restrictive on his tv and games. He does get to play a lot. But he's not like most boys his age who get up and play till sundown. He gets a few hours a day on his days off and during school he doesn't get to play at all.

It's like she has completely forgotten who I am.

When she got on the phone with Froggy they couldn't understand each other. It went something like this....:

Froggy: Hi Yai.

Froggy: What?

Froggy: Huh?

Froggy: I'm in band now yai....

Froggy: No. BAAAND.

Froggy: No yai, HUH? What?

Froggy: Yai. I'm in BAND. I play the flute. No. The flute. BAND.

Froggy: I love you yai. Here mama.

And he hands me the phone.

My mother is like: Mahdee? What he try to say?

Me: Mom. Either you are going to have to learn to speak english again or we are going to have to learn thai. You are forgetting how to speak english! (She finds this hilarious)

So I tell her that Froggy is in band.

Me: Froggy is in his school band now mom.

Mom: Huh? He bad now? Why you let him watch so much tv?

Me: I don't mom. He's not bad. He's in BAAAND.

Mom: He bad??? He tell me he bad now, Mahdee.

Me: LOL! Mom! No. He's in BAND. You know like a marching band. They play music. Mother. You know what a band is.

Mom: Mahdee. I no know why he bad now.

Me: LOL! He's NOT bad, mother! He's in a MUSIC BAND. HE plays the flute.

Mom: Bann? I no know.

Me: Mom. Listen to me. Froggy. Is. In. A. Band. That. Plays. Music.

Mom: Ohhhhh BAND! He is a band!???? He play music? What he play??? I thought he tell me he bad now.

Me: The flute.

Mom: Flu? What flu?

Me: Oh shit mom. The FLUTE......

Mom: Oh wow! He play the flute? He not bad?

LOL!!! Me: No. He's not bad. He's still very good.

Mom: Oh that good. I no understand you.

Me: I see that.

So then we're talking for a little bit. And you had to understand that my mother speaks perfect English but she moved back to Thailand about 8 years ago? Not sure. And that woman doesn't have anyone to talk English too even though my dad calls her every night. (They have been living separately for all kinds of legalities for a couple years.)

Anyway. She is talking to me and she's on her way to the farm because some dude is selling dirt to put into the pond. Don't ask me. I don't fucking know what she's talking about and I hated to ask. Refer to the above conversation.

But she moves around a lot when she's talking to me on her cell and her cell phone is a piece of shit. So I am constantly telling her to stand still. And she's like why?

Me: Because your phone can't handle you moving around.

So she stands still for two seconds and she can hear me clearly and I can hear her clearly but then she has to walk around and bend and weed the garden while she's talking. She drives me crazy sometimes and all I can do is laugh. And then she laughs too. And that is what our conversation mostly consists of.

She asked me if I received calendars yet. And I'm like, "no."

Mom: Oh shit. I told you what I sent.

Me: LOL. It's okay mom. When it gets here I'll act surprised.

That tickled her half to death. She laughed so hard.

And then suddenly she stops talking and I'm like "Mom, are you okay?"

Mom: Mahdee. I hear something.

Me: What?

Mom: In my phone.

Me: What? What do you hear?

Mom: Sound like "toot toot"

Me: LOL......I don't know I don't hear it on my end.

Mom: Mahdee. You no hear?

Me: I don't hear anything mom.

So suddenly she's yelling.

Mom: MAHDEE YOU NO HEAR ME???!

Me: No mom... I hear YOU. I don't hear the "toot toot" sound.

Mom: Ow....you no hear?

Me: MOTHER. I HEAR YOU. I don't hear the sound you are talking about.

Mom: I hear "toot toot" what is that?

Me: LOL.....I don't know mom. I do not hear the toot toot sound.

Mom: You phone card run out Mahdee?

Me: No mom I would hear it on MY end if it was.

Mom: I hear toot toot.

Me: My loo luong mah. My loo luong.

Mom: My loo luong me too.

(My loo luong means "I don't know" in Thai...)

Mom: See? "toot toot"

I just couldn't stop laughing.

Eventually we just give up. We say we love each other and that's that. She wants to call back tomorrow at 6pm her time. Trying to tell her that my ass will be in bed at that time was like trying to explain to her the pythagorean theorem.

So she will probably still call and I'll have to call her when I get up. She told me to give my phone to Froggy and she'll just call him. And I'm like....

Me: One, he'll be asleep too. Two, you two can't damn understand each other. How are you going to have a conversation with him at 6 in the morning?

She laughed but I was serious.

Froggy just giggles the whole time he's talking to her. I know he really wants to communicate with her and I don't know why she can't understand him. But really can barely understand me half the time.

I spend half my phone conversation trying to explain one thing to her. I wonder sometimes if we wouldn't be better off speaking to each other in Italian.

Merry Christmas.

Boop.