Work: Well, if the writing wasn’t already on the wall, it sure is now. I’m sitting through budget meetings with the sales team this week, and it appears there’s gonna be a struggle to sell my stuff in to the retailers this year. So to add to the passive-aggressiveness and micromanagement of New Boss, the negativity of Negative C., the bitchiness of A., and my general malaise about the whole thing, it’s clear what needs to be done. Why do I struggle with making a big change? I’m just plain tired.
That’s not a good answer, I know.
I’m also scared. I make a great paycheck here and it has gotten very comfortable (kinda). I know that in order to make a big move I’ll have to jump in to a new job with guns a-blazin’, head first, full force and all that stuff, and I don’t seem to have it in me at this moment. I suppose I just need to suck it up and GET IT in me. Perhaps the bleeding numbers will help this process along.
Next week I’ll be in Florida for this industry’s biggest trade show of the year. It will be good to hear the reactions from the buyers, but I have a feeling I know what I’m gonna hear. Maybe that will help get the ball rolling some more, HM? I sure hope so.
It’s already March. It’s SO time.
Health: Diet continues. I am doing Weight Watchers really just to track my food intake and to keep me motivated because I’m paying for it. Man, is it hard to lose weight when you start approaching 50! We are nearing the end of week 10 of the year and I have lost 9 pounds so far. While I’m certainly not complaining, I feel like I’ve cut a lot of stuff out of my diet (mostly snacking) and it just seems like such slow progress. Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m still just trying to lose the weight I’d gained since the end of last summer and over the holidays. In fact, last year at this time I weighed 3 lbs less than I do right now, so it feels like I’m still just trying to get back to ground zero and THEN I can start to lose the weight that I wanted to lose last year! Ugh. You realize that this means that I gained 12 lbs last year! Yikes. Not healthy.
It’s okay, really. At least I’m not gaining more weight. And I’m actually fairly OK with the number that appears on the scale. What I really want is to get into killer shape over the next several months so that I can be in the best shape of my life at 50!
So I continue to do my early, early morning workouts (25 mins/day), and I’m trying to just add intensity to them. I can tell my clothes are fitting better, but the ultimate will be to add to this routine in the near future. I’m doing walks in the evenings when I can, but it’s not enough to push me over into the “fit” physique that I want to have. For that, I will need to either enlist the help of a personal trainer OR join a gym again and start taking classes. Hm. What’s better? I’m thinking the gym because I like the social aspect.
One other thing to note regarding health: yes, I’m approaching 50. I think I’m starting to head into menopause. Long, gross story short, I was awake all last night with weird symptoms and I scared myself shitless thinking that I have like Stage 4 cancer or something. I was literally up at 2AM, 3AM, 4AM Googling things that I’m not even going to mention here. Turns out, one of my symptoms turned out to be a false alarm. And yet, I gotta get my bootie (and other lady parts) out to the gyno, STAT. My old gyno is too far away. I’ve already gotten the number for a new one and am placing a call this afternoon.
Getting older S.U.C.K.S.
Love: Love life is stagnant, but I do finally know for sure that I did the right thing with the boundaries I now have with the Bulldog. Well, I’m not sure that they are even boundaries! I have not heard jack shit from him since the passive-aggressive block “message” he sent via Instagram. How do I know that it’s the right thing? Well, funny/embarrassingly enough, I looked at his FB last night where he replied to a comment about a girl he met “about a month ago”. Now granted, he also adds that he didn’t have a connection with her, but the message is clear – he and I were screwing around “about a month ago” and he was clearly on the prowl for other women during that time (yet pulling out all the stops for me on Valentine’s Day, what?). What would even make me think otherwise, anyway? And sure, I was on Tinder and such because deep in my heart I knew that it would never be with us.
Guys, it’s a waste of my energy to put any more of my heart into writing about the BD. It’s time to let it allllll go…
Moving on. According to my horoscope (ha!), I should be getting out and about RIGHT NOW. It’s time for me to socialize and put myself out there. In fact, there is no better time than now.
Friends: So on the above note about getting out and about, I’m going out tonight with my friend, Cindy. It’s been forever since I’ve seen her because she’s a really difficult friend to make plans with – so we’ve had these standing plans for about 4 months now! Finally, finally I will get to see my long lost friend! We’re going to a basketball game. It’s Redhead Night tonight and Cindy and I are both gingers and my friend did a photography thing with us back in…like, November? So long ago I barely remember. I’m looking forward to this as it should be tons of fun hanging with her as well as hanging with hundreds/thousands of other people.
Also, Brunch Upon a Time is this weekend, and I’m so looking forward to that, too! Our first brunch club was absolutely wonderful and it was fun to catch up with old buds and meet a couple of new ones, too. It’s funny, one of [Athena]’s friends and I keep running into each other on the weekends. I can’t wait to see what happens on Saturday – I hope everyone shows up and has as much fun as I do.
It’s all about nurturing friendships, folks. I think it’s going to be even more important as the months and years roll by. I don’t see myself settling down with a fine gentleman any time soon, so I best be supporting my girls. It’s so, so important.
Vacation: I have a Paris trip on hold for September. I want to sit in sidewalk cafes, drink wine and watch people. I want to stroll through the Tuileries and Luxembourg Gardens I want to go to Champagne and maybe some other wine regions. I want to go to the vintage market. Perhaps other side trips as well. Who wants to go with me??
All for now.
XO,
GS
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