"Everest." in Film reviews.

I rented this movie from Redbox because I couldn’t find anything even half way interesting, and said fuck it, I’ll watch this.

I was very pleasantly surprised as to how much I enjoyed it.

This movie is based on “Real live events,” which usually doesn’t mean jack shit, because often times it’s just a fictional movie, that the producers try to make more interesting stating that it’s based on real events, when basically non of it is.

HOWEVER, I’m pretty sure that this movie was close enough to what actually happened, when a bunch of people going on a climbing tour (yes, they now have tours that will get you to the top if you are fit enough and have enough climbing experience, and some luck on your side) kind of got fucked on the way to the top of the mountain.

In short, there is lots of snow, cold weather, some cocky people, some down to earth, and lots of climbing and preparing.

Spoiler. Some people die.

What kind of made me interested in this movie, was a find on the internet a few weeks ago, that has pictures of actual bodies that are on Mount Everest. Most of them are too far up to be recovered, and the ones that can be recovered would cost about $300,000 to do so.
The weather is so cold that the bodies decompose very slowly, so some of them look like they only have been there for a few weeks, when some have actually been there for decades.

I read that K2 which is another mountain, is a bit smaller then Everest, but while about 5 percent of the people who try to climb Everest die, out of the ones who try to climb K2, like 30 percent die. My numbers might be off somewhat, but yeah, K2 is like the mother fucker of all mountains.

From stories that I’ve read, it seemed that Everest isn’t such a big deal. Dozens of people “summit” each year, meaning they reach the top, and fatalities are becoming rarer.

It got to the point that I was thinking, fuck it, I’ll eat a bit less, walk a few miles a week, and my ass is going to climb the bitch.
Mainly because I’m pretty sure if nothing else, the fact that I climbed it, would get me laid, without having to pay for it. I’m shallow like that.

This movie kind of nixed that idea.

Fuck that, it’s too cold, and there’s some very steep icy rocks, and most people need oxygen tanks after a certain way up so they don’t pass out, due to the thin air.

On a side note, there are some locals who work for these tour companies, who are hired to carry shit up ahead of the “climbers,” help them on the way, and basically they make the climbers look ridiculous, because these locals basically just run up and down this fucking thing like it’s their back yard. They didn’t show it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they wear flip flops, they make it look so easy.
Imagine some guy huffing and puffing, making a mountain climb of a life time, something they dreamed about all their lives. They’re wearing suits that would keep you warm in outer space, are puffing through an oxygen tank, holding on to ropes and are surrounded by guides dressed the same way, and then you have some local fucker, walking past them in a T shirt, and flip flops as if they were going to walmart for a coffee cake. Ok, I exaggerate ever so slightly, but it’s the impression I get. I would love to see a movie about these local fuckers, as they sit around at home during dinner, while eating a live seal, and sucking its eye balls out for desert, as they tell stories about the tough climbers that they helped get to the top before breakfast.

It seems weird to a couch potato like me, when you hear that someone was only a thousand feet, or even less away from the top, but they had to turn around for one reason or another.

I mean what’s a thousand feet. Maybe two or three city blocks. I’m thinking fuck it. After spending over a year in preparation, getting fit, buying gear, and spending over a hundred thousand dollars just to get to the place (I think it costs $60,000 just for a permit to climb the fucker); if I was 1000 feet away from the top,
and it looked like I was going to make it, I would reach way down to whatever the fuck people reach down for when they do that type of inner reaching shit, and I would just run like a mother fucker, kicking and climbing and clawing my fat ass the last 1000 feet.

.....and I’d probably end up dying 800 feet from the summit.

SO yeah, a 1000 feet which might be walking from one end of Walmart to the other end in town, is more like walking 50 miles a swimming pool filled with jello that is cold as ice.

But fuck that, I just KNOW that I’d reach down far enough to that my hand would come out my asshole, and I would run the fuck up there, even if I had to throw all my packs, gear and clothes off me, if I got that far.

and yeah, I’d be dead.

Even if I reached the top by some miracle, there’s no way that I’d make it back down, which is almost as challenging as climbing the bitch.

There is one dead body on Everest that is only 2000 feet from the bottom. Again I figure if I was a that point, I would just roll myself into a snow ball, and roll down the mountain, bouncing along, maybe getting some bruises and a broken pinky toe.

Which means I’d probably be dead at 1900 feet from the bottom.

But I digress. I really liked the movie, so much so that I just might watch it again some day, which is very rare for me.

Last updated February 25, 2016