just a little skewed in Sometimes I feel dead inside

my mind had vacated my body. it was sitting there just watching as my well maintained life slowly slipped slightly off target. my finances went to garbage, which cut me off of the gym and eating healthy which lead to bad weight gain. not happy with that turn. i know the key is getting my finances out of the red. its frustrating because i did this to myself. i helped others at the cost of my own comfort. is it time to be selfish? am i a mark for helping out? i mean i feel responsible for that person, i pushed her to do what she has done with her life. i did it knowing that it was a gamble that could blow up. i could have chosen the safe bet and she would be taken care of. so now that things have gone wrong in that situation i feel like i am responsible. that its partially my fault, she trusted me to make the smart decisions because she didn’t believe she would. now i question my own choices. sure there were selfish reasons for my decisions, i knew i couldn’t be romantically involved, there were things about her i just couldn’t get past. part of it was i just didn’t trust her enough. i wonder if i had not pushed her to make the choices she made if she’d be better off. did i condemn her to difficulty because i was scared? or selfish? anyhow i feel like i should do my best to fix the situation i caused. even if i didn’t truly cause it