less filter in 2016

6:23pm

Oh busy life. It’s that hectic part of the season where I’m working like 12 hour days almost 7 days a week. Ok, in reality it only ends up averaging out to like 9.5 hrs/day. In the moment though it feels like straight torture, especially for an introvert.

This year has been better than most. I think my non-resolutions are paying off. Not trying to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and not stressing the freak out when people are waiting. That’s just life. People have to wait! And they have to understand that there aren’t any other options. There is nothing I can do to make life travel any faster. So deal…or move on.

I don’t even care anymore!

That doesn’t mean that I’m not still exhausted at the end of the day. It’s too much socializing and interaction for me. Too many phone calls. Those are the worst! The people in person aren’t so bad, usually. I’ve been way better at making conversation this year. Jokes and small talk. And it’s not even killing me, or anything! gasp

I know that it makes a difference when people are friendly and engaged up front, so I’m trying to do better with that whole thing. Plus, in all honesty, I can use a brush up on my skills. It’ll be too hard to spend the rest of my life all anxiety ridden and panicked about speaking to strangers. There’s nothing wrong with my introverted side and the whole needing space thing, but it doesn’t need to stress me out either.

Less stress; more living!

The only problem with this whole friendly/working too much situation is that I’ve lost my filter. Not like the one that keeps me from cursing at work, or anything like that, but the one that keeps my witty comments in check. Like I’m teasing everyone, and joking with Mom when she’s with clients, and making funny remarks about stuff.

Also, I’m maybe not censoring myself around JR either. Which could become a problem. I don’t know why I’m so worried about it all the time. It’s not really my responsibility. He should be able to distinguish between our situation by now. Plus, you know, he’s engaged! There shouldn’t be any issues, but I worry too much.

Yesterday he asked me if I had gotten engaged. Apparently he thought he saw something shiny on my hand, stopped me as I was walking by, and then concluded that it was just my other ring and/or necklace that was reflecting. I told him that he would know if I were engaged. But it would be a couple years from now, or twenty.

Then today I kind of forced a check out of him. I can only be understanding for so long. This is a business relationship, despite the parts that have blurred the lines. So as he was leaving I thanked him again for the check and he said that it was no problem. That “you deserve more than that.” I joked that that wouldn’t be an issue. Summer’s coming up and I get really thirsty during the summer. hint-hint wink-wink

Honestly, I think that it would be fun to hang out more this summer. I want to be brave and adventurous. Suck it up and meet his friends even if there are a lot of them. He could let me get to know his gf. I mean, if we’re going to stick to this whole friendship thing outside of work it’s probably a good idea to get to know her. It seems like she’ll be around a while, what with the whole marriage thing happening.

I need to make more friends. There’s no doubt about it. And since I’m not very good at making my own friends, well, sometimes it’s nice to gain them through other people. Not that I want to steal their friends, I just suck so bad at finding them myself. Case in point: CK - only friend I made in like 4 years and we went months at a time without speaking [which probably means that I shouldn’t really be surprised at his disappearance, but I can’t help it.]

Anyway, just some stuff I’ve been pondering. Life’s too short. I have to seize the day. Take full advantage of my time off. Most people don’t get these kind of opportunities.

rose.
7:55pm