Nana in Grey skies

My nana is my oldest relative and probably has the most health issues. She has survived a heart attack, diabetes, and cancer. Last summer she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Now I think they said it’s Lou Gehrig’s or a cousin of that disease. My nana is a like a second mother to me. I’ve had relatives die, my papa (previously married to my nana but they divorced when I was baby) when I was fourteen from cancer. My great-grandparents as well. Nana’s partner Jack, who died from dementia years after they separated. I had a loving relationship with them all. But I can’t imagine losing nana. She lived with me and mom as a child. She changed my diapers. In high school I had sleepovers at her apartment. She drove me to doctors appointments and made me lunches for the way. She told me things that happened in our family that no one else would talk about. She listened to things I couldn’t tell anyone else about. We could sit together in silence or reading, something my mother can’t do or understand. We drove so many places together. At one point, I guided her driving along the road in the dark because she refused to let me drive even with her cataracts. When I finally got invited somewhere in high school for New Year’s Eve and my parents wouldn’t let me go, I got so mad I punched the wall. She gave me a sleeping pill and forgave me for being so angry. She is always generous with gifts.

She also taught me a lot about love. She was someone I idealized but I also realized had a lot of flaws eventually. She unwittingly did things that made our whole family suffer. But I also saw us pull together and stand by each other and find the capacity to get through it.

So I hope against all odds she’ll live to see her great-grandkids become teenagers and selfishly that I’ll get to have around a lot longer.