Lucky in Grey skies

I don’t know why but lately I’ve been feeling very lucky. My family sometimes can be very judgmental– last year when we were in Mexico my other pulled me aside and said she felt sorry for me. That what my husband promised in our wedding vows is not what he lived up to. And while I worry sometimes that his weight and eating habits mean he’ll have a heart attack, he is a good partner. He is my best friend. While he might nag me about little things, he never judges me. He always listens if I need to talk. He always thinks I am beautiful, even in the morning. He lets me make a mess around the house and sleep too much on the weekends, and he doesn’t see it as a horrible flaw in my character.

We haven’t had an easy marriage. It’s taken a lot of work. It was a difficult adjustment for him to live on his own for the first time and to be married. When we were first married, he would just lock himself in a room to be by himself. It was really hard not to take personally. He was drinking, not communicating, overeating, and always playing his computer game. For our marriage, he started therapy and eventually decided to take anxiety medication. He also attends a support group for people with autism, although now he is not sure he has Asperger’s anymore.

I used to have a heartache, especially on weekends when I wasn’t busy. I missed home. But now I feel like I am home with my husband. I still miss my family deeply, the familiarity of navigating the streets I grew up on, the friends I can do nothing with, the places we hung out in. But I am happy. I have a job I love more than it stresses me out, the most loyal husband, wonderful in-laws and four affectionate cats.

I may not be the most successful, rich, or best-looking person in the world but I don’t have any big regrets- other than wishing I could have helped the friends I made in Haiti and South Sudan more and the people closest to me more.