one day in 2016

11:20am

It’s been a few days. I want to say that I’m going to make it a goal to write more this year, but we all know how I am with goals. Also, I think I specifically said that last year and I ended up writing even less than the year before. So maybe I’ll just say that I am going to write less this year? That should work. ;)
[Yay reverse psychology!]

Not sure what I wanted to write exactly. I’m sitting at work, alone, and it’s not super busy at the moment. This fact is both happy and sad for us. Happy because I get to sit here and do things like type entries/catch up on emails/listen to different music, but Sad because our season isn’t very long and we need clients in order to make the money we need to survive the rest of the year. We’re doing ok right now but it can’t be this slow every day. It needs to get busy. Like two nights ago we were here until after 8:00pm, but then yesterday we were done by our normal closing time [6pm]. That doesn’t usually happen during this time of year.

I am not going to stress about it though. It is what it is. It’ll work itself out. Seriously. That has to be my philosophy this year. The stress is not worth it. Especially over something I clearly cannot control. I mean, sure, I can put more flyers out or be more outgoing, but that’s not really going to change anyone’s mind. They’ll make their own decisions regardless, so I need to let it go.

Worst case scenario, I can just get a full time job after the season. It shouldn’t be that difficult in a town like this. We know a ton of people, and I have a ton of experience. There has to be at least one employer out there that will take me on, if I put real effort into looking. At the very least I can convince JR to put me on the payroll and work with him full time. I basically do it already!

I actually joked about that with him when he came in a little bit ago. I hadn’t seen him in almost a week, since he left to Vegas, and that’s pretty rare these days so I was getting all my saved up jokes out. =) Plus he asked me to ask my cousin about her schedule so he can try to get her a part-time job [they talked about this last week when she was here helping us out]. I asked why he’s never bothered to help me find a PT job. I know I asked him to keep an eye out a while ago, because it would be pretty ideal to get in with one of these Ag companies that would only need me seasonally.

He said that I already had a full time job and a PT job. According to him this job is FT, except I only work a few months so I don’t know how he figured that. I told him I was trying to become rich and famous, minus the famous part. ha. Honestly though, some of these “receptionists” around here make like 50-60k a year! That’s insane! Imagine what I could do with that kind of money?! If I survive on the meager wages I earn right now [remember: I don’t take a paycheck all year] then I’d pretty much be rolling around in that much cash. Like I’d use it to keep me warm at night [and donate it, and travel the entire world, and contribute to my families debt payoff, ect…].

I’m in such a lucky position in life right now, but I don’t want to sound greedy by saying that I need to make that much money. I know I don’t need it and that’s partly why I don’t try very hard to get it. There are no pressing bills. I was so fortunate to not accrue any college debt. I don’t own anything other than having my name on the old ‘97 pickup. Oh, I guess that does mean I have two bills: insurance and dmv. heh.

But seriously, I’m conflicted because of all of this. I don’t “need” it and “wanting” it feels like such an unnatural state of being for me. Whatever though. It’s nothing that can be changed at this particular moment. I just need to concentrate on making it through this day, and this week, and this month, until it’s over. [The season, not my life!]

We’ll see how it goes. I have a very strong motivation to accomplish some stuff on my bucketlist this year. Like I have this urge every year but this one feels more urgent. Knowing life’s too damn short, and all that.

I actually just pulled my list from PB and am starting to make serious plans towards a few of them. I’m going to figure out everything I need. ie: actual locations of adventures, maps, amount of money, travel time… I can probably convince Mom to do a few of them with me and the others I’ll just have to do on my own. Not really sure what I was waiting for anyway. There’s never really going to be enough time/money/whatever. And I guess I was waiting for someone in particular to do them with me, but I don’t need this unknown stranger. I just have to make the move.

Ok. That’s enough time-killing for now. My “boss” should be back soon and I should probably get some actual work done, or at least make progress on it.

rose.
12:35pm

p.s. I know I owe notes and stuff. I’ll try to catch up on my next “break”.