Keeping Things from Falling Apart in New Beginnings

I used to think I was invincible. At least, I thought I could make myself stay fit and able bodied by sheer self discipline. I’d see older people who were once strong and active and were now decidedly not so, and I’d wonder what happened. Why did they let themselves go?

I’m discovering as I approach my mid thirties, that the fight to not let one’s body go steadily becomes more difficult. Specifically, parts get worn out and start breaking. I sprained my right ankle just a month before my 30th birthday. Prior to that incident, any sprained ankle I suffered would heal in no more than a couple of months. Almost five years later, my ankle still isn’t fully better. I should say that it does everything I need it to, and most of what I want it to. I can walk just fine as well as run, jump rope, and do any other of the exercises I used to do, but my right ankle will hurt if I lift my self up using solely my right calf muscle. Also, if I tie my shoe too tight on that foot, my ankle will hurt. Sometimes at work, I’ll just completely untie that shoe, certain that I look like an absent minded fool walking around with just one shoe tied, but I’ve since reached the point where my own physical comfort is more of a priority than what anyone else may be thinking.

I also used to be able to hold an 8 minute wrestler bridge. That was my max, and I eventually cut my time back to five minutes in recent years. Last year, I think holding that position pinched a nerve in my back or shoulder. During a Thursday workout, my left arm went numb, painfully numb. I suffered through a Friday at work with my arm feeling dead, until I finally decided to just go home early. Getting back to my recliner was one of the sweetest moments of life at that point. My arm is mostly better. Attempting to do regular resistance training for my shoulders certainly helps, but if I over stretch my shoulder or rest my weight on the inside of my elbow, that numbness sometimes returns.

I hope I’m not coming off as whiny. My health is still very good. I’m in excellent shape for my age. I went to the gym tonight and ran four-and-a-half miles on the elliptical in 20 minutes. I can do over ten chin ups again like I used to, and I can do at least three sets of twenty dips. Those feats may or may not sound impressive, but those were the reps I did when I was in my early twenties, so I’m glad I haven’t atrophied too much. I can also still do a back bend, back walk over, no handed kip up, and walk on my hands for 20 paces, though I temporarily lost those abilities from not practicing them as much as I used to. When I tried those movements late last year and couldn’t do them to my shock, I made a concious effort to drill them more frequently. I’ve since recovered them, but I I don’t have as much confidence doing them, though. Up until a couple of years ago, I could be laying on my back and have no doubt that I could pop off the back of my head and land on my feet. Now, I hesistate before my attempt because I’ll feel like a fool if I fail. I practice those movements almost every night to make sure they haven’t suddenly vanished fromy my fitness resume. Sometimes, I’ll step away from my desk at work and go to the vacant rooms in my office building and drill those movements a couple of times. Wow, I feel really embarassed admitting that, but if I can’t be honest about my own craziness here, I can’t do so any where. I’m just glad no one has caught me.

Fighting this battle with my body is very disconcerting. Three weeks ago, I pulled my calf muscle jumping rope. Granted, I had been incorporating more plyometric exercises into my routine, so those were the culprits that weakened my calf muscle to the point of injury, but the injury occurred during one of the most basic excercises I’ve practiced for hours upon hours. I worry that this injury will never fully heal, and my right calf muscle will continually bother me just like my ankle and my shoulder. If not this injury, will the next injury do so? Will I eventually hurt myself in a way that causes me to give up working out entirely?

I suppose I’m just vain. Not that I consider myself a man dime, but I do the best with what I have. Knowing that I’m doing the best with what I have keeps me from being self concious about my body or my appearance. Doing so helps me keep my sanity, recharge my ability to handle stress, and keep a more positive outlook on life. I really don’t want to lose the physical discipline of who I am. I don’t know how fall I’ll far if I do.