Very mixed feelings about having Megan around. She’s a very different person than Rachel. I missed Rachel so much when she left, but in many ways having Megan here is better. Rachel and I used to fight all the time. She was always criticizing and belittling me. She loved to do things to point out how much money she had and make me feel bad for being poor. We would sometimes go days without talking because I was mad about something she’d said to me.
Megan does none of that. She is loving and supportive and always willing to help. She is a very strong person who likes to be in charge and make decisions. She’s a natural leader. I’m none of those things, and I find myself looking to Megan to help me when I don’t know what to do.
But then she drives me insane about other things. She swears a lot in front of my kids, regardless of how many times I’ve asked her not to. She always apologizes, but does it anyway. Not just swearing either, but she’ll say strangely inappropriate sexual things too. I don’t really want to shield my kids from these things, but at the same time I don’t want them to to think that it’s OK to just casually talk like that.
And then there are the super weird moments like Friday night. I was laying in bed and got a text from her that asked if she could come talk to me. Fine. So I heard a knock on my bedroom door moments later and I opened it to see her standing there in just panties. I immediately told her to put a shirt on, but she just started talking to me like there was nothing weird about how she was dressed. Then I noticed her face was wet with tears.
The reason she wanted to talk to me was to ask if I had any weed. I told her I didn’t. I even questioned why she would think that I would. What have I ever done to give her the impression I smoked weed? She goes on to tell me she’d just had a big fight with Lauren via Skype and really needed to smoke some weed to calm down.
I assured her I didn’t have any to give. She seemed shocked and disappointed. She asked me where she could go to buy some and I told her I had no idea. I was getting angry. I finally convinced her to put one of my shirts on.
She asked me if I had any pills she could take and I made the mistake of telling her I had some old Adderall, prescribed to me more than two years ago when I was having some problems. She begged me for some and I reluctantly gave it to her, thinking it was so old it wouldn’t do anything anyway. I warned her that Adderall is a stimulant and wouldn’t help her calm down, but she paid no attention.
On Saturday morning, she made breakfast for everyone and was the same old Megan. At one point she turned to me and just said she was sorry for the previous night, and that fighting with Lauren brings out the worst in her. And that’s a pattern I’m noticing with her. She can do anything she feels like and then just say “sorry” and make it all better.
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