vivid in 2015

9:04pm

Hello October.

I was looking forward to summer this year, but honestly, I am so ready for this Autumnal season. I want clouds, grey skies, rainy mornings fingers crossed, and cold cold nights. Sweater weather! The thought of it is stirring up so many great feelings inside me. I hope it comes true.

It’s funny because most people I talk to are not looking forward to it at all. It doesn’t excite them the way it does for me. They start to feel all depressed and sad. I get that. But it’s the complete opposite for me. So many happy thoughts!

I had a dream last night where I walked into the kitchen and there was a guy standing there cooking. I walked up, hugged him, and we must have been dating or something because he asked if I wanted to go dancing with him. hah. I made funny faces and he immediately shut it down. But instead of just moving on, I tried to reason with him and figure out what kind of dancing and how awkward it would be for me. It seemed like no matter how uncomfortable I was with the idea, I was trying to get him to give me details so I could find a way to convince myself to go with him. Like I needed to do that for him. Compromise.

It was a nice feeling. Doing something for someone else. Plus, I mean, he was cooking for me and the food looked delicious. Some weird potato/carrot combination that I wanted to devour. haha.

This dream seemed to be the continuation of a previous dream I’d had last night but I don’t remember anything that happened in that one.

Then....I had a horrible dream. Somewhere in the hours I slept last night. [Why was my mind so active?]
I was dreaming about an old friend of mine. We haven’t spoken since high school except maybe an online message here or there. He’s on fb and I did specifically see a picture of him yesterday, which is probably why he was on my mind. But the dream was totally weird.

I was outside, in some kind of traffic. Driving for part of it and watching from the street for the other part. But all of a sudden I saw him in a car near me and he ran a light. I knew he wasn’t going to fit where he was going but he kept at it. I watched as he failed to hit the brakes and purposely ran into the back of the car in front of him. And then, for some reason, he felt like the impact wasn’t strong enough so he bumped them a few more times. Then he drove around them and ran his car quickly into another big SUV on the street.

He did the whole thing on purpose! Even though I was watching him from a distance, I was also some how able to interpret his motives (like I was inside his head and/or in the car with him) and I began to understand that he was trying to commit suicide.
Not long after his car hit I saw him on the ground. I heard his family talking, telling people, that he had died and I was having flashforwards to his funeral and to all of their grieving. I’ve never actually met any of his family, but they were so real to me.

It was all so real to me! Scary real. Like I woke up and felt so much worry and sadness. I’d watched the whole thing. Known everything that was happening and I was hopeless to do anything about it.

Of course, because I believe in weird stuff, I had a slight moment of panic where I wondered if something had actually happened to him. People say they dream about those kinds of things all the time. But thankfully I have seen his fb update today and there aren’t too many worries there. Honestly I didn’t even remember about it until I saw his picture.

I do wonder what it all means though. Such vivid dreams. But I’m going to try not to worry about it too much. =\

I’ll try to focus instead on the sweet guy in my kitchen cooking me dinner! Now there’s a good dream to hold on to!! ;)

Mom made the first peach pie of the season today! So much joy in that.

rose.
9:47pm

Last updated January 08, 2016