7:25 PM
So many dreams, vanishing memory. I sort of stopped writing dreams down idk why maybe it’s because no matter how awesome some of them are I want to forget a little. Last night, I had an incredible adventure dream, I only remember a tiny bit of it. Me and this guy were doing something around the ocean and we had to swim to this big yacht off in the distance, we swim to this small metal frame, like a small oil rig out in the water and we ran up the metal stairs and up a ladder. Thats it, the reason I want to forget some of these is because they make me feel so alone. I have these awesome dreams and I always have someone there with me, I don’t ever know them in real life but in my dream we are like best friends and we go on advantures. It’s not always/ever the same dude, I don’t remember much of their faces only they are good looking, around my height and have brown hair. Anyway, I would have these awesome adventure dreams and they feel so real and then I wake up and I really have no one. No person to hang out with, no adventures to go own.
So all of today I have been feeling pretty depressed. My Camera didn’t come yet so no pictures… Today in the aftermath of that dream I silently suffered the whole day like I usually do, all by myself. I did go to red lobster with my mother and had a lot of shrimp, expensive though cause I live in a state that does not border the ocean. Sad and alone, that’s the way it has always been and this is the way it will stay until the day I die. I remember that in school I wasn’t that popular until about 10th grade. I mean I would be a little bit popular before that, I knew all the right people you could say but I have always stood out from the others because of my social problems and anxiety, I had these issues that I knew nothing about and I just accepted the fact I was weird. I started to heavily get into gaming and I had a small clique of friends who I would game with and sure I still know/talk to most of them today we are not that close anymore. Growing up really sucks, I’m not ready for it and I don’t ever want it.I just want to go back to being a child I will never give up on that side of me. When I am manic I adopt my childlike sense of humor, and amazement. I view things as a child would, everything a game and everything funny.
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