Bubble Space in 2015

September 28, 2015
7:54pm

I cannot believe how fast this year is flying by. And I can’t believe how many times I’ve probably said that lately. ;)

But seriously! Almost October! That’s insane to me!

I haven’t written nearly as much as I wanted to, although I guess there wasn’t that much to say. I keep telling my stories to various people and then no longer have the intense desire to write it all down. Apparently I just need to stop talking to people! Problem solved.

I’m working on my continuing education for work. I went to the office today and was able to finish two more classes. I’m not sure how they’ll count the credits, but worst case scenario I’ll only need one more credit after these go through. Not too bad. I have until the end of October and at least 2 classes that I’ve already started [but were too dense/intense to finish at the time]. I’d prefer not to finish those at this time, so I might end up looking for a different one just to get the whole thing over with. I can take the intense classes when I have more time and/or energy to concentrate on those topics.

You know me, always trying to get away with the least amount of work and the easiest path.
Wait…does that say good or bad things about me? I’m not sure…

JR was over today. I’d called him on my way to the office to see if he needed anything, but he was heading out of town and asked if he could just drop stuff at my house later. We’ve already kind of blurred those work/friendship boundaries. Although I’m still keeping things mostly professional, I swear! =) I learned my lesson on that one.

So we got home sometime after 3, had lunch, and he called shortly after we’d finished. All he had was one letter, which I’m guessing means that he just wanted to hang out. hah. I invited him inside to grab the paperwork I had for him, but then we ended up back out in the courtyard where he pulled out chairs after a few seconds. Then eventually I grabbed a beer out of the cooler and peer pressured him into having one too. He turned his nose up to my coors light in a can, but ended up drinking it anyway. Ain’t got much choice for ya, sorry! I’ve turned from a beer snob to a I-make-more-money-recycling-cans snob =] hehe.

We talked about a bunch of random stuff. Mostly we tend to discuss work, cooking, music, and whatever happens to be going on at the moment. I joke around a lot, probably tease him too much, but I think he’s come to understand my sense of humor by now. At least I hope so.

He showed me a picture of his gf’s brother. We’d talked about him last week when he insisted on figuring out what my “type” was and then thinking about anyone that matched that description. Except I never actually answered with any sorta detail. I mean, I joked about wanting a guy in a tuxedo, and then he said he had a friend that showed up in a tux to a wedding recently. But he was taken and wore camouflage slippers. Uh…no thanks. haha. And then this brother that apparently takes a lot of selfies, but he wasn’t able to find one the other day - hence the picture showing today after I joked about it.

[In case you’re curious: he looks older than his supposed age and he has a young kid. So I’d keep an open mind, but I doubt it..]

There were several times where he came around the table and stood next to me to show me various pictures/recipes/whatever on his phone. One time he said he was going back to get out of my “bubble” and I laughed about it. Then he came and showed me something else and said, “fine. I’ll get out of your bubble!” All offended and what not. I told him that I hadn’t even moved! And he insisted that I was leaning over and out of the way. I swear I was just leaning over so that I could see the phone though!

Of course I apologized several times. Said I wasn’t doing it on purpose. It’s a subconscious reaction and he shouldn’t feel bad because I don’t like anyone being that close to me. Even my own mother! hah. He’s seen me lean away from her at the office so he knows it’s not something I’m only doing around him. I can’t help it. It’s just one of those things.

He later made a comment about how I’m going to get into a relationship some day and the guy’s going to go in to hug me and I’m going to shrink away. I said, “well yeah! I’m going to cringe and run away!” haha. Except probably not. Because sometimes I really enjoy hugs. ;) But we don’t have to tell him that. I mean, some of it does have to do with him. I don’t want to get that close. I want to keep boundaries. And so maybe I play up some of my flaws.

It’s funny because after he left I was thinking about our conversations and I realized that even though I’m telling him a lot of things, I’m only really telling him what I want him to hear. Like playing up the flaws so he doesn’t ask too many questions. Coming off a certain way that maybe isn’t my true self.

Not that I’m trying to be disingenuous; I’m just keeping my distance. Or something.

And of course I’m thinking about all this and comparing it to those moments with ck. The ones where we were hanging out, just talking, and I never felt like I was censoring or trying to hide/underplay/overplay anything. He’s probably the only person I’ve felt that comfortable around in a long time [or ever], which is obviously why I can’t let go. He saw things in me that I never even expressed out loud and it sucks that it had to be him. But I guess it’s better to have felt than never to have felt at all? heh.

I’ve got to go get blood tests tomorrow [I sure know how to change a subject huh?]. I wonder if I’m supposed to do anything special the night before? Like not drink? ha. Oh well. We’ll see how it goes. I’m sure it’s mostly just to check my iron levels. I called today to ask if I actually needed the tests. They’d originally told me no, and then yes, so I had to be sure. The lady said it was fine if I showed up without paperwork so I’m hoping it’ll be okay. She was in a hurry to get off the phone and I completely forgot to ask about fasting. But I’m going to do it anyway, just in case. Then we’ll do breakfast/lunch and a movie, and then maybe happy hour. hah. Got to make a whole day of it if I have to drive an hour away to get there.

Now I’m in a weird headspace and I don’t want to talk about anything anymore. Darn mood swings and emotional messes. =|

rose.
9:53pm

Last updated January 07, 2016