Weird day. Have you ever had a weird day? Shut up, it’s a rhetorical question. You’ve probably been someone elses weird day. Me I’m running fifty fifty with that, spread out over five and a half decades. That’s not really a fair stat though, I’m prone to retaliate on the hoof; that is meet weird for weird at the drop of a hat. I’m not sure that’s a skill, an attribute or a vice. It doesn’t matter I can’t control it, it’s like when you are talking to someone with a thick accent and you find your own accent slipping or when you start giggling at a funeral. Not the sort of thing you brag about, but too obvious a thing to ignore altogether.
Not only do I rise to the challenge of improve weird for weird most of the fist fights I haven’t been in were staved off by a maneuver I like to call crazier than thou. It’s pretty much self-explanatory. A lot of guys try the fouler-mouth-than-thous, but everyone knows by the third scowled motherfucker epitaph that the cusser is more scared than angry. Try gnashing your teeth or plucking out an eyebrow hair while quietly explaining how someones actions are beginning to disturb you. Um, those are just suggestions, you need to do something more topical, like, say, if someone elbows you at sea-world followed by a ‘out of my way motherfucker’ maybe you could bite the head off a fish or tear the stuffing from a whale doll from the gift shop.
Weird and crazy overlap, but they both have a lot of real estate all of their own. Like frozen waste from an airplane falling where you can see it is weird (it falls all the time, but you never see it) but not crazy. Trump being the front runner for the GOP is crazy and weird. Calling Social Security an entitlement when it has it’s own dedicated tax system is crazy. Ok, so all my examples have to do with shit, but, you know, the fingers type what the fingers type.
My day had nothing to do with any of that and was weird in a bad way. Weird is best when it has no outcome leaning towards negative or positive. It’s even fun when it’s neutral. My kind of weird day was unlikely events leading towards painful outcomes.
There is tomorrow though. Tomorrow has at least one really good thing going for it; it’s not today.
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