Catching Up in Scottish Meanderings

This is the first chance I’ve had to make a proper entry.

Not because I’ve been busy but because this exhaustion or whatever the hell it is sucks the life out of me daily and only gives me a few hours of activity to work with and today it’s really getting me down. There have been a lot of tears this afternoon basically because I just can’t find a way to manage this thing or work at becoming free of it but also can’t see any sort of positive future ahead. The thought that my working life might be over and that normal life (or ‘normal’ as I used to understand it) is perhaps not possible any more is just too much to take in. There is so much anger and resentment around the whole situation that perhaps I should do an entry on its own about how I feel and maybe that’ll get some of the poison out of my system.

At least I’ve found something useful to do when I’ve been lying down resting - I’ve been using that time to try and catch up with everyone’s diaries and note folk! Generally what I’ve been doing is to start right at the very beginning of a diary and wade my way through every single entry until the present one which has made for some really interesting reading in a lot of cases. We truly are a bunch of brilliant writers for all that we put ourselves down most of the time!

I have to admit though it’s a bit disconcerting to come across a great entry - go away to stick a note on it - and find your own comment sitting there from a couple of years ago - yet you have no memory of reading that entry first time round! Unfortunately I’m afraid that’s the way the cookie crumbles these days ......

Mam’s funeral was on the 24th (November) and actually the part I thought would be the worst - speaking to everyone afterwards - turned out to be quite cathartic because there were so many lovely memories shared by everyone passing by - and it was great to see folk I hadn’t seen for years and years. We were really surprised by how packed the church was. Because of her age we thought it would end up being just family and a few local friends and we were therefore quite taken aback on entering the church to see a multitude of familiar and not so familiar faces as people showed up from neighbouring towns, from when she used to go bowling, from the church near her flat, from the days when she took over Dad’s shop after he died, from when she was in the Inner Wheel, her neighbours, carers, friends & so on & so on. It was lovely.

And I almost missed it because by the time we had to speak to everyone I was in bits and really couldn’t hold it together any longer - the whole service was an ordeal (although it was lovely too) and having to walk out following the coffin just about finished me off. Because there were 4 of us, Lorna (my sister) said it was absolutely fine if I didn’t want to stand there speaking to folk - everyone would understand - but I got out a tissue, had a good blow and faced up to it. And was so glad I did!

And I’m just so happy I wrote out that scrappy life story! It has really come into its own since she became so ill - firstly to give us something to read when we went to see her in the home because she loved hearing it read out to her and of course would just forget it instantly so repeats weren’t a problem :) But also it was useful for the staff at the Home to read so that they could get to know her better and find out a bit more about her life history - and also the grandchildren when visiting - it gave them useful material when asking her questions about her childhood etc. to try and bring her out of a negative mood or just have something to talk about.

And then the minister who took the funeral - he was delighted when he saw it! He hadn’t known her personally because she hadn’t attended church for years and was terribly worried when he spoke that it would sound too impersonal but he read extracts from it at the funeral which he then expanded on and that worked pretty well. It also meant that the grandchildren who hadn’t been to the Home or the Hospice got to know about it too and there was quite a flurry of talk about it afterwards, with lots of questions about her younger life and each one of them wanting a copy for themselves. So that was nice.

The weather was pretty crappy in general but when we went over to the cemetery the heavens opened and completely drenched us! It continued to pour down turning the paths into a quagmire of mud - then as soon as everyone got back into their respective cars it stopped. Just like that. Lorna whispered to me afterwards that apparently when Mam was having one of her really bad days in the Home, screaming and crying, she had turned to her and said “I’ll get you back for this if it’s the last thing I do!” so she’s now convinced the deluge was a bit of divine intervention! I laughed with her at the time but found it hard because it just reminded me of how many bloody awful, desperate days she to endure had before she found peace. There were far too many and they often stick in my mind and haunt me. I feel like we failed her.

I travelled back to Aberdeen on the Tuesday night, packed my case on the Wednesday and on Thursday Ian & Margaret picked me up for an overnight stay in Edinburgh before we all flew out to Tenerife on Friday! I was still reeling from the funeral so can’t say I was in the best frame of mind for a holiday - which wasn’t helped by managing to get conjunctivitis in both eyes the day before we flew! I couldn’t believe it. I was already fighting a urine infection which had appeared at the start of the week and although I managed to get antibiotics at the last minute, they were making me feel sick. Thankfully I managed to get eye drops at the airport which cleared it up by the Tuesday.

Here I am just before we left, when the first eye had flared up - not a happy bunny! Apologies for disgusting gunky content.

The apartment we had was great albeit it fairly high up with no lifts available so there was a lot of climbing stairs or steep roads involved before we reached our front door. But the best bit was the fact the 2 bedrooms were separated by 2 bathrooms so with the doors shut at night, I heard not one iota of Ian’s snoring all week! Those of you who live with people who saw logs at night will know how much this means.

There was a balcony with enough room for a table and chairs but also a little walled in terrace with 4 sunbeds on it which was slightly more sheltered and private.

This was our view from the balcony.

Which turned out to be quite pretty by night.

As Ian & Margaret were there for 2 weeks they were quite happy to do whatever I wanted for that first week and there was no pressure to ‘do stuff’ although having been there several times before, they obviously wanted to show me the island. I would have been quite happy sitting on that balcony or the terrace, reading a book or napping for much of the time ...... had it not been for the fact there was music playing at that pool from TEN in the morning to FIVE at night! Unfortunately I’m strictly a no noise person when I’m reading - I just can’t concentrate for love nor money if there’s any kind of noise around me no matter what level it’s at - so I was forced to listen to a background of Adele shouting Hello to me every 10 minutes. Luckily I quite like Adele. Just not all day every day.

BUT - as well as that - there were also the added delights of BINGO! And EXERCISES! And AQUA EXERCISES! And PING-PONG! And God Knows What Else! (I made a point of not hanging around long enough to find out). All blared out through a Very.Loud.Microphone.

So that had the effect of pretty much pushing me out the door almost every day which was a tad more exhausting than I’d have liked but at least I suppose it meant I made the most of the week!

The weather wasn’t great though. Apparently it was much worse than usual for that time of year and didn’t get much better the second week either. I’d brought the clothes I would normally wear in a Scottish summer (basically long-sleeved tops) thinking I could just buy cooler stuff over there if necessary but unfortunately I didn’t need to get the pennies out at all. It was still nice to wake up to a fairly warm temperature every morning and not have to have stuffy central heating on all over the place.

Here’s the 3 of us all set to go out on a boat trip to see whales and dolphins (which turned out to be very shy and not too keen to perform for us). Poor Ian is terribly conscious of his stomach and is constantly on various diets to try and shrink it - usually in vain!

I hadn’t realised the whole island is basically the basin of Mount Tiede and the result of various volcanic activity over the years. We spent my last day on a drive up to the top of the volcano by car then cable car, giving us spectacular views not only of the surrounding scenery but of various formations and layers of ash left by previous eruptions. There was snow at the very top (which we couldn’t get to because of ice) and I was very glad I’d thought to bring my raincoat as it was freezing up there!

Stopping for a loo break on the way up.

About to join the queue for the cable car, coats and jumpers on at the ready!

On our first day we went down for the welcome meeting and Margaret bought some raffle tickets and ended up winning a prize of an island tour. We thought this was wonderful until we discovered it was only for one person so Ian had to fork out a fortune to pay for 2 extra tickets for us all to go! A bit of a swizz really - and we figured out if we’d paid for 3 ‘normal’ tickets, bought outwith the apartment complex, there would only have been 4 euros of a difference!

However it allowed us to see a good bit of the island although it was a long day (7 in the morning until 7.30 at night) and frustrating to only be allowed 20 minutes somewhere where you could have spent a good hour or two. At one point we stopped at the little town of Puerto de la Cruz and were given an hour to have lunch. We found a lovely little cafe looking onto the beach with this rather relaxing view -

with some surfers riding some pretty spectacular waves which was pleasant to watch as we ate and drank.

On the Friday I left the other 2 intrepid travellers at the airport and flew home to the wind and rain in Scotland again, slightly disconcerted that the main bridge over the Firth of Forth in Edinburgh had been closed the night before due to structural faults. This caused considerable chaos and somewhat scuppered Nikki’s plans to drive down with the girls to take me home to Aberdeen (normally a 2-3 hour journey). I told her not to come as there might be long delays and the plane got in at teatime - rush hour everywhere - it wouldn’t be any fun possibly being stuck in the car on a motorway with a toddler and a baby.

As I was getting on the plane in Tenerife she’d more or less made up her mind to leave it and I was all set to try and get the train up to Aberdeen. When we landed I checked my phone just in case but there were no messages. After about an hour and a half I’d managed to obtain a train ticket for which I’d had to fork out a whopping £38.40 and was standing on the bus with my case ready to be taken to the station in Edinburgh city centre. I thought I’d just check the time on my phone (luckily I don’t wear a watch) and noticed 3 missed calls. All from Nikki. I had sent her a message to let her know when I’d got the ticket so that she would have a rough idea when I’d be home (she was staying at my house to feed the cats).

Then I noticed a text in reply to mine. “WHAT?? MUM! We’re in Edinburgh!!”

At that point the bus engine started up and I grabbed hold of my case and just made it out the door before I was whisked off to Haymarket Station and a completely pointless journey but of course couldn’t get hold of Nikki who had now gone into panic mode and was phoning everyone she could think of to find out how she could intercept me before I got on the train!

And just to add to the fun there was a howling gale outside with lashing down rain so that when I finally did get a hold of her she was stuck in a long stay car park somewhere and had no idea how to get out so I got drenched walking for ages desperately trying to locate her car and in the end had to give up, telling her I’d go to the dropping off point and she would just have to find it somehow.

Which she did - eventually.

She’d decided at the last minute to drive down hoping to get there in time to meet me off the plane but had only just made it and then got completely bamboozled with the airport lanes and car parks and everything but she had managed to send me a text. I just hadn’t got it. Presumably due to some delay with my phone after being in airplane mode or something - I don’t know. Anyway we decided to go to the nearest Holiday Inn for tea and recover from the whole ordeal which was a great idea and gave me the energy needed to drive us all back to Aberdeen, finally getting home around 1 a.m. exhausted!

The Trainline are refusing to refund me my money which is annoying but I think I’m going to have to suck it up and chalk it up to ‘holiday expenses’. I didn’t spend much money while out there - Ian took charge of the purse strings saying he would work out what I owed afterwards and let me know and that would save a lot of faffing about. Which it did.

Then it was straight into Christmas which I’m not going into here or you’ll be reading this for ever!

I apologise for only managing to wish some of you a belated Merry Christmas - at least I’m still in time to say all good wishes for a happy, healthy, peaceful 2016. There are some of you struggling with some dreadful situations just now and I wish you strength to get through what you need to get through and peace to arrive when it’s needed.

And remember - we’re all here for each other.

(Ignore the fact I’m a day early for the wording) :)

Last updated February 05, 2018