No hotel in Jessica and Me

Things are still strained between Jess and me. It’s not getting worse, it’s just stuck in a status quo. We see each other every day at work, but sometimes several days will pass when we don’t see each other outside of work. We only sleep together maybe every 10 days. We talk on the phone and text. Every single day at least once I tell her I love her, and she says the same to me.

I haven’t cheated on her, but I can’t deny I still struggle with temptation.

But every so often something happens that reminds me that things are still really not that great between us. Last night was our company Christmas party. It was at a big hotel downtown and a lot of people in the office got rooms in the hotel after the party so they could drink and not have to worry about driving home.

I made the same suggestion to Jess. She immediately rejected the idea, which surprised me. I asked her why.

She said that getting a hotel room with me would imply we would be sleeping together and having sex, and she didn’t want to commit to that because she hasn’t been feeling much like having sex with me lately.

She said that in such a cold way that it really hurt me. I think about sex with her every day, and I told her so.

I had tears in my eyes when I asked, “Are we going to survive this?”

She said, “I hope so.”