24th through the 30th in 2015

I’m struggling to remember much of what happened. Nothing of note happened on Tuesday, though I was slightly improved by the end of the day. Physically. I didn’t clean much or exercise, though. I also skipped out of Tea Ceremony (mass class, no private) so I could get laundry done as I was about out of clothing. I also did a bit of cleaning, but not nearly enough.
Wednesday night I meant to exercise, I even walked to Eikaiwa, but, in the end, I just ended up going back. I don’t remember why. Not feeling well, or some such nonsense. Wednesday during the day was just another day at Miyanojo Junior High.
Thursday I drove all the way to Kukino elementary school, only to find out that I was actually due in Shiraogawa, way on the other end of town. Kukino is my farthest school. So, I turned around and drove back. I made it there a bit early, so it all worked out, but everybody had a laugh. I had a good time with the kids. They’re always fun. I love elementary kids. Then, back to the BOE. Thursday I planned on skipping tea ceremony, but I didn’t because the other two students couldn’t make it. Kyoko’s uncle died, and she couldn’t go, so she gave me a message to go and to do my best for both of us because someday she wants me to serve her tea. Under that pressure, of course, I had to go. I also found the private lessons calming. They were different than when there are others. Somehow it was better. It wasn’t like in Hikone, but it was a glimpse of something beautiful in the world. Something I really, really, needed.
Friday I went to Kukino. Going there is always rough. The school is just . . . I’ll need another entry to describe it. It’s only three girls, and then the staff. For our English projects, there aren’t enough students, so the girls get clip boards, and they go downstairs and interview the staff. It’s like a family, and you can feel the memories resonating out of every inch of wall. It’s so happy, but so sad. I think I weirded out the vice principal (who speaks great English) by going on and on about it. I would have mentioned mono no aware, but, I think that’d just paint me as a weeaboo forever in his eyes, so I avoided it. After Sam and I went back to the BOE, Hirayama sent us home early. He said we’d worked hard and that there was nothing for us to do. He said hide out in your apartments until time it would be time for you to have gotten out of work, but go home. I ended up taking a nap. I was supposed to get dinner with Sam, but I napped instead. Then, I woke up, and watched a lot of South Park. At some point last week I redownloaded Civ III. When you feel like crap, and can’t go out to do much, you feel kind of trapped. I should also mention that this week, the weather has been miserable. Not quite as bad as November in Hikone, but pretty bad. Rain and wind and cold and humidity all at once. It’s just a miserable mix. Maybe one, or two, I could deal with. Not four. That’s also one reason why I’m eating so much and not exercising: I feel like I’m getting sick and I’m trying to fight it off. It’s not working. I’m strongly debating just leaving work early with a sick day.
Saturday I had a guitar lesson that I wasn’t ready for, but that went pretty well. After that, I went to Satsuma Sendai and got Indian food and looked at dehumidifiers. I realized that I’m way over my head there, and that I need Japanese help on this. Well, it turns out that I also missed the first Kimono lesson. I thought it started at 3. Turns out it finished at 3:30. Started at 1:30. That was an annoying surprise. I think I spent most of Saturday under my kotatsu playing Civ III, but I honestly don’t remember. Napping was probably also involved. I also edited a story Kat’s dad wrote, which at least let me feel like I had done something of merit that day.
Sunday was cold, rainy, and miserable, but I went to a music festival that was being held in town. I actually got to perform. I sucked. I tried to do stuff I wasn’t ready for, I hadn’t practiced much, and I was a bit nervous. Still, everybody enjoyed it. Klever was there, and he told me that I sucked, so that was refreshing. He also kidnapped me, which was nice in its odd way. He’s a pleasant fellow, but he’s busy. Pushier than anybody I’ve ever met in my life. He’s also constantly drunk and high, which I’m sure doesn’t help things. Well, I hadn’t been talking to him lately. Part of it was just my own minor meltdown, part of it was not wanting to have to say no all of the time to his pushiness, but we made up. And we sang a bit, but, for the first time in a long time, I just couldn’t get into it. Which was heartbreaking. I stayed with him way too long, the family took me out to dinner, and then I went home. I reedited Kat’s dad’s story (I find it’s always best to edit, sleep on it, and edit again) and sent it off. I hope it went well. It was honestly an honor for Kat to ask me to do something. I’ve always felt such an inferiority complex towards her. Even if it was just to save time, I’ve done something for Kat, and that means quite a bit to me.
Sometime last week I also got a birthday card from Lauren Andree. It was her birthday, but she wanted to send me a card. I was moved. She’s a sweet and wonderful lady, in her own broken kind of way. If I were pretty, and taller, and we were in a place together, I’m sure she’d break my heart. Just like in 12th grade.
I had another dream about Arielle, but I don’t remember the specifics. But I was very happy with her. I am wondering what life would be like with a Sailor Moon. Klever and his wife Nao asked me what I was looking for in a woman and I said that, frankly, I’d like to try somebody pretty, genki, and stupid. Sailor Moon. I wonder if maybe it’d do me a bit of good. I’m getting too sucked down into my own depressing wormhole.
Writing about my mini meltdown of late is something for another entry as it’s not very status related, but I’ll get to that. There’s nothing I’m doing/have done that’s too bad, but . . . I’m in a bad place, and things could easily get a lot worse.
I’m cold, and bored, and fat, and dispirited, and lonely, and alone, and failing at all of my resolutions. My only friends are a pushy drunk that I can only be around for so long and a borderline shut in gamer who tends to bore me. There’s nothing in my life that stimulates or makes me happy.
I also have to decide whether or not to re up within a month.
Hooray for me.