NoJoMo Day 11 in The Long and Winding Road
- Nov. 11, 2015, 6:49 a.m.
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- Public
Day Eleven: What are some traits and looks that you inherited from your dad?
I have to think about this one. I never knew my biological father. My mother was not married when I was born, but she kept me and loved me - which took a lot of courage back in 1952. My dad – the man I know as Dad - met her and married her before I was 2 years old and he adopted me. He always said he’s not sure who he fell in love with first – her, or me. So I was very loved and very fortunate. I didn’t always feel that way, but I know that I was. So it’s nature vs. nurture and in this case any traits I inherited from him were due to nurture, and I certainly didn’t get any of my looks from him, even though when I was little, people would always comment on how much I looked like him!
The thing is, I’m honestly not sure what traits I may have inherited, or picked up, from him. He could be very critical and opinionated, and I can be too. So was I going to be that way anyway, or was it his influence?
He instilled in me a good work ethic. He was a strong believer in giving your employer 100% – if you were being paid to do a job you do it to the best of your ability. If you don’t like your job or you don’t think you’re being paid enough, that’s on you. Go find another job. But in the meantime, you’re being paid, you do the work.
He was a stern, strict father. If we said we didn’t feel well enough to go to school, then we didn’t feel well enough to play or watch TV. Back in the day, kids got spanked. Sometimes he made us choose between “the hand, or the belt”. The hand hurt because you could feel the sting of his wedding band. But the belt hurt worse.
He tore down my self confidence as I was growing up, and I’m still working on healing some of those wounds; but he didn’t realize he was doing it. He thought he was building it up. But his methods were all wrong.
Aaaaah...... there’s no use going down this road. I love my dad, he did the best he could, and I’ve made peace – or am working on making peace – with the sins of the father. He’s 85 years old now, fading away from Alzheimer’s, and I wish with all my heart I could have somehow spared him this long goodbye.
GypsyWynd ⋅ November 11, 2015
I think learning to accept that our parents did the best they could is part of becoming mature.
plushcreep ⋅ November 11, 2015
Society was different back then and attitudes have changed. Sounds like your dad was simply a product of the times. At least you recognize that you were loved.
Lady of the Bann ⋅ November 12, 2015
My Dad is 87 and both he and his wife have alzheimers. They still live in their own home because my step sister calls every day and has organised other carers. I always was told I looked like my dad and we were close. He never hit me or punished me, but would play and give us piggybacks up to bed. Mum would have been quite hard on us and he would have softened things. I think I do that.Naomi is hard on Morgan and I use a soft loving approach. Dad gave me my love of travel and wanting to better myself. He also had affairs and left my Mum. But I understood and I knew it was never about me. I am going to see him next weekend.
Deleted user ⋅ November 15, 2015
Very insightful ...