First visit in Jessica and Me

I think I’m a little less upset than I was in my last entry. Things aren’t all better, not even close, but Jess is being supportive and less critical than she was last week. We’ve seen a lot less of each other and haven’t been sleeping together, but I still feel like we’re a couple. We still kiss each other and say that we love each other.

I saw my new therapist for the first time on Thursday. I was extremely honest with her about everything. I talked about all the anonymous sex I had before I met Jessica and how I just can’t bring myself to stop even though I’m in a committed relationship.

We talked about my immediate goals (getting to start spending the nights with Jess again) and my long term goals (being in a faithful and monogamous relationship with her). I realized, the more I thought about it and talked with the therapist about it, that I really just want to be with Jess. I have urges to fuck other people, and sometimes they are very strong urges, but being with Jess is what matters most to me.

I thought it was interesting that in our first few moments of talking, when she was just trying to get to know me, I told her that I was in a relationship with a woman. She responded, “And you identify as a woman?” I wasn’t sure what she meant, and I told her so. She said she was asking if I see myself as female or if I have another gender identity.

I’d never been asked that before. I told her I identify as a bisexual female.