Starting Fights on Facebook in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era
- Oct. 28, 2015, 6:04 a.m.
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- Public
So… I posted the following
“I don’t know if this is staged; but yeah. This is experience I’ve seen. I get it… women are much more worried about Predators and the like but… this is something that is real”
https://www.facebook.com/prank.vine/videos/1623329101265838/
Of course… it caused a fight with a very pro-Feminist friend of mine saying “Women don’t owe anyone their politeness. Really, no one owes anyone politeness. And the fact that women have to have their guard up isn’t something that should be glosses over. I guess what I am saying is that one day, one mythical day, the world can nitpick whether someone is polite in their rejection. Today is not that day.”
I’m not going to openly fight anyone on Facebook because… that isn’t the proper forum. That isn’t a cool thing to do.
But something that completely flies in the face of everything I was raised to believe? “Really, no one owes anyone politeness.” Because that right there is what is wrong in this world. Everyone owes everyone else courtesy, respect, and dignity. Point Blank: You don’t treat someone shitily without reason. If we all treated each other with politeness and respect… we’d see some significant changes in this world.
Maybe that is me being too old school. Maybe it is a “White Privilege” or “Male Privilege” thing. But… do unto others as you would have them do unto you still makes a lot of damned sense to me!
patrisha ⋅ October 28, 2015
I was brought up to be polite whether or not I liked it! Sometimes I wish I wasn't like I am. For example, all those "I love my mother, Repost this if you love yours" things all over Facebook. I loath them and every time I read one I want to say, "How about an "I hated my mother She was a bitch who is the source of all the traits in myself that I dislike and the reason why I think so little of myself..." But I am MUCH to polite to do that."{HUGE eye roll}
Frailty ⋅ October 28, 2015
That's feminists for you!
Fawkes Gal ⋅ October 29, 2015
Women are on average, smaller and less physically strong than men. There is a possibility of a very real and dangerous threat when a man approaches a woman out of the blue. Women have to keep in mind the possibility that this person who approaches them may not be a nice guy, but may in fact be looking to assault or rape them. I don't have numbers, but we know that statistically, a woman has a much higher chance of being attacked by a strange man, than a man has of being attacked by a strange woman. This is not about politeness, it's about keeping yourself safe.
This is an extreme version, but this shit happens. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/07/mary-spears-killed-detroit_n_5945518.html
Park Row Fallout Fawkes Gal ⋅ October 29, 2015
I agree and don't at all want to minimize that violence happens to women. I chose to share this as it spoke very loudly to me personally. My entire life trying to approach women anywhere has been met with the very Rude Rejection. It has done a number on my self-esteem and honestly, I struggled with an emerging hatred towards women.
The two things that always stick with me:
(1) Polite Opener from man should be returned with polite response. If rude persistence, return rudeness in kind. If rude opener from man, rude response is merited. Just my 2 cents.
(2) Something that bothered the hell out of me in my youth: Friends of mine that were girls were interested in a boy. The boy asks them out and they say no. I was flabbergasted. The reason? "If he's really interested, he'll ask again." Game playing like that ALWAYS bother(s)(ed) me. Let your Yes be Yes and your No be No. The game playing, in my less than researched opinion, plays a large part in the creation of Douchebags and Assholes that hound women.
Fawkes Gal Park Row Fallout ⋅ October 30, 2015
I have never met a person who would play weird games like that if someone they liked asked them out. I would be curious to know how big a segment of the population actually thinks that that's how you should treat people. Sometimes it's hard to know just based on your own experiences how common a behavior is, but I honestly have never meet, or known anyone who has done something like that.
Another thing you need to remember, is that men are probably not often approached by strange women who attempt to get their phone number or a date by complimenting them. I wouldn't be surprised if this was the first time that the men in the video were approached like that. Some women, depending on the area they live in, and yes, how they look, some women get this on a regular basis. A person who has something happen to them frequently, is naturally going to have a much different reaction to a person who's having it happen to them for the first time.
You have no way of knowing how many of those women have dealt previously with men approaching them, and trying to get their number. You don't know how many of them had to deal with harassment when they tried to refuse. You don't know how many of them had to deal with someone touching them without their consent.
We live in a culture where women are often portrayed as prizes for men to obtain. A great deal of men see it as their right to approach whatever woman that they like, and attempt to woo her in some way, and that she should be "thankful" for the attentions. The reverse situation is not true for the most part. Men don't tend to get cat-called when they walk down the streets. Men don't tend to be hounded by women asking for their phone numbers. All this video points out, is that women are used to this shit happening to them, and they're tired with having to "be polite" to every man who decides it's their right to approach them.
The game playing is shitty, but I do not think that is what is creating douchebags and assholes, it's this culture of ours that treats women as prizes for men to obtain.
Foley is Good! ⋅ October 29, 2015
I took the term "Southern Hospitality" for granted, didn't think it was real. Until I vacationed out of the South, haha
Have a Nice Day!
Park Row Fallout Foley is Good! ⋅ October 29, 2015
Hee hee... because I grew up there (and want to go back) Google the term "Iowa Nice" :p
Rhapsody in Purple ⋅ October 29, 2015
There have been a couple of times that i have been sexually assaulted, or conversations with guys that seemed perfectly nice that escalated to a place where i no longer felt safe and i've been very upset by the encounter. I'm so trained to be polite that each time i contacted them the next day to apologise about getting upset when they did what they did. I do not believe this is a good thing. I wish i was a woman that could just keep walking and trust my instincts when I don't feel safe.
I do not want to be approached on the street by strangers to be asked out. There are some situations that are probably more conducive to that sort of approach, but you don't know what any of these women are doing or why they keep walking.
Also, i have tried to reject guys nicely in my life to have them respond with "I know you actually want me, otherwise why would you be so nice about it". (once one of these guys also told me that he was sick of me leading him on and the money he had raised to hire a hitman to kill his ex best friend, he'd actually use to kill me instead).
I really wish i was less polite. I wish i could just shut some guy down when he got creepy. Or maybe i wish for a world where when i did politely reject a guy he just moved on.