Anton Lundin Pettersson in Chunky giblets

WARNING: This is going to be one of those entries. You know what I’m talking about. Needless to say, whinge elsewhere.

On the 22nd of October in the year of our Based Lord, Anton Lundin Pettersson, a brave upstanding citizen, decided to perform community service by lowering the amount of undesirables at the Kronan School in Sweden. Upon entering the school, he took a selfie with some students, and then, displeased with how his picture came out, proceeded to run through the school playing Halloween music and chopping up anyone that smelled like camels.

Anton was a completely well-adjusted individual from a degenerate arctic wasteland of sodomites. He targeted Kronan School because it was filled with a very high amount of immigrants, and he wanted to save everyone from self-righteous preaching at the hands of savages who wanted the new Star Wars movie to have a diversified cast. Equipped with a knife, a sword, a Star Wars mask, and a heart full of unimaginable courage, he approached the school and faced his destiny. Upon his arrival at the school, he took a photo with some students and posted it to his Facebook to increase his Edgelord points. As time ticked by and his post generated no likes, he became extremely hurt and decided to talk to someone about his feelings. As he raced down the hallways, searching for people with brown skin, he spoke aloud from the Holy Scripture, reciting, “I AM YOUR FATHER. I AM YOUR FATHER. I AM YOUR FATHER.” Lavin Eskandar, 20, became the first person to cross sabers with Darth Anton, and became more powerful than you can possibly imagine. During this time, Anton is also said to have been playing Halloween music, but the actual music has not been specified. I’m assuming it was this:

Ahmed Hassan, 15, was also stabbed and died later of his wounds. He was sitting in a class when the killer came to the door, and said, “Knock knock.” Hassan reportedly opened the door before saying the customary “Who’s there?” and subsequently was cut down for his insolence.
Anton was described by a local man as quiet and reclusive. He liked heavy metal music and hated hip-hop. On his Facebook and YouTube pages he liked and shared movies that glorified a perfectly healthy interest for any young man, which is the reason his motive for playing IRL Fruit Ninja is considered to be racially-driven.

One person was quoted as being mildly disturbed, everyone else just shrugged and said, “Well, at least they weren’t white children”. Politicians used his failure to kill more than two people as justification for their current laws on gun control.

”Died in battle with sword in his hand. He is in Valhalla with his fathers.”

His graded score is as follows.

Kills: 2/20
Accuracy: 10/20 50% kill rate with a sword
Style: 20/20 Star Wars themed
Butthurt: 12/20 Muh immigrants.
Bonus: 17/20 Melee Bonus.
Total score: 63/100 (D-)

Next time try the force.

Last updated October 26, 2015