A family way... in Deeper Bits (Emotional and such)

I'm just gonna preface my first entry by saying I'm here thanks to my Glaswegian friend, J. I'll probably delve into my history with her at some point, but for now, I, as she is, am an OD transplant. Might move my old entries from OD over later. That being said, I'm also gonna copy her style of privacy protections.

S came her with her 4mo old son, C, last night. S and I have been friends since 2011, I think not long before or shortly after I bought my house. As usual, I've always been the friend, never the boyfriend, but that's another rant. She came over and cooked dinner for us, and I tended to C while she prepped and cooked. C isn't particularly fond of being burped, but 2 out of 3 times, he doesn't go into a screaming fit when I burp him. Having them come round makes me wish I were farther along in my plan than I am now. I'd always wanted to be the young dad who actually got his kids. Not to play the "gotta be my kid's friend" like some parents do these days because they're such wimps about their kids being mad at them, but just to be able to relate to my kids better and not be the old out of touch fogey that my "dad" was. (I'll commonly refer to him as asshole.) I want a family. I want to be married. The problem is, I can't even find a halfway decent girl, much less someone who is up to my standards. And please don't bother to tell me that my standards are too high. I'm picky for a reason. I've been used and unhappy in enough relationships. Now, I want to be happy. Permanently. Unfortunately, there's only one girl who fits the bill at the moment, and due to some of her life's trauma, and a considerable distance, I'm more or less in a permanent friendzone there. But I digress. I'm happy for all my friends who have kids, and significant others, or are married, and so such. I truly am. But I'm jealous. I've been asked why I don't "like" some of my friend's posts on Facebook about their happiness. It's a question I don't answer. But why should I like something if truthfully, I'm jealous? How does that make sense? I am happy for them, yes, but where is it mandated that I must like their happiness, when I want so badly what they have? I realise that jealousy is an ugly, selfish thing, but at least I'm not going on all their happy posts and saying "I wish I had that". I think it, yes, but I'm not going to say that. Aaaaaaaannnd of course, I just get the warning that my laptop's battery is at 5%. I'll charge it and try to come back to this later.