School starts this week. in The Wanderer

I have been excited to start school since my foot landed in California last year. I had to wait until this fall because most schools (that I can afford) out here are impacted. So I’m finally in and I start on Thursday and now I am super nervous. I am anxious to just get my undergrad done, but nervous that it is going to be too technological for me. Already my professors are e-mailing me things I need to “sign up for”, apps to download, interactive study crap, I don’t get it. I just want to bring a pen and notebook to school and learn. I want to feel like my learning is one-on-one, not team based. I do not want to interact with the classroom. It is a stupid thought to have because when I get to grad school most things will be group based, so I should just get used to it. But I can’t help but feel the anxiety hitting me all of a sudden. I am also reading the book, Quiet, and it makes me realize that us introverts are subjected to such an extroverted world. No wonder I feel so uncomfortable.

Austin and I had a wonderful night the other night. We ended up hanging out with Max and he made us this crazy amazing cocktail with lemon, honey, tonic, and rum. It was so good. I kept calling it the Ernest Hemingway drink. I love Max! He and I have so much in common. We were talking about Camus and the universe and all sorts of stuff. We all went to the park and Max kept singing, “We were the THREE BEST FRIENDS” and we were all swinging on the swings and laughing and it was just a fun time. He kept telling Austin that he “hit the jackpot” and how happy he was that we met. I am just loving more and more about Austin, and to get along so well with his family and now his best friend is super amazing. We went back to his house eventually, but we had to be quiet because his brother was sleeping. (Which even when I tried really hard to be quiet I guess I wasn’t because his brother sent him a hear no evil monkey face LOL) We ended up talking a lot and he said that he knows I am smarter than him and now that I’m going to go to school I am just going to get even more smart. I laughed because I don’t think I am smarter than him, but it is cute that he does. We have also been talking about our Washington future. He makes me so happy. He says things like, “I keep imagining us in a cabin in Washington and I am working and you are writing a book.” Sigh/smile. He is equally excited about our future. I decided that if I ever marry this guy it will be in the redwoods, and I want Max to marry us. And it will probably be a very spontaneous occurrence. I’ve also FINALLY been working on poetry again!!! I am super stoked for my poetry class. Perhaps the only old fashioned style learning this semester! (At least I hope it will be!) Oh yeah, Max let me borrow this book called, “A Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl.....so far it is pretty amazing! Tomorrow night us three are going to Joshua Tree and I cannot wait <3333