Walking, Pacing, Panting, Corners... in Plan B

That is bascially what Casie Marie…aka Booger Head does. I went to my one client a new guy and was suppose to be there 3 hours. Thankfully he knocked me out of there in an hour ~ thankyouverymuch.
Came home and Casie was stuck in a corner ( not really but she couldn’t back out ) hyperventelating. Bad. Her tongue was black. She is a chow mix ( cocker and golden lab and chow on 4 inch legs ) and her tongue is purple and pink normally. O! I felt so bad.
But let’s back up. On the way to the new guys house I stopped at the vet and wrote a note to the staff that I wanted to be there tom. at 8 to put Casie Marie to sleep. Well after I left the morning client I stopped by the vets and thankfully so and my appt. with them is at 10:45 wed. a.m. to discuss “options”. There is no options. I read the meds that could be given to her and one of the most scariest is collapsed esophogus. O Gawd no. So, I have closed all doors, put things under things so she can’t wedge herself in those spaces and leaving her drives me nervous. It’s like leaving an alz. patient on there own and saying “Bye-Bye” now. She paces like you wouldn’t belive. Over and over and over. Panting non- stop. I called my pharm. friend and gave her some benadryl. She slept for 20 minutes. She never gets any rest what so ever. I had to shut the door at night so I could cop a few hours of rest. I tried sleeping on the couch. No good. She reminds me of alz. patients who has the form of being a “wonderer” they litterally walk themselves to death. They don’t eat, drink and just walk till they die. I have seen to residents die like that. I can not be a human being and let Casie suffer like this. Yes, it is hard. One of the hardest things to do and go thru but also I am not so selfish just to let her go on and then really hurt herself or myself trying to help her either up the few stairs I do have or something else. Mom and Dad will be near me when the time comes. My heart is fucking heavy. I love the shit out of her. I tried to talk to Romeo about it but he already “knows” he is not stupid. I put down fresh water bowls with ice cubes and Casie stepped right in them and continued walking.
I need cookies and milk and have to shut the bed room door and hopefully all of us gets some rest. Good Night my sweet girl Casie Marie Booger Head.