Among the many things I don’t get some involve Arnold Schwarzenegger. Most of the things I don’t get I don’t even know I don’t get, but Arnold isn’t too complex for me to understand not getting him. Brain surgery, for instance, I get the basic theory and I understand why someone might want it, not cosmetically, but, like, say, there was a problem with your brain that could be fixed by surgery, I’m not really sure how to do it, but that’s because I haven’t tried. So, in a number of respects, I get brain surgery. I don’t get Arnold.
At least two shitty movies have been released this year with him in them. I realize shitty is a subjective qualifier and it doesn’t escape my notice that to have a valid opinion means I sat through them, but I’m pretty sure I could win an argument with the resolve that those two movies were not the opposite of shitty. I mean shitty in a fairly literally sense; the waste left over from digesting useful calories from consumption; the shit that ain’t worth shit so gets shat. Wow, two doubled semi colons, that’s a lot of shit.
What I don’t get is why. It can’t possibly be about the money. It can’t be about, heh, the art, I mean he must have read the scripts and he must know he’s not really an actor, I mean he must know the movies he is in are shitty movies. It could be about momentum, not wanting to retire, but shit, he could direct shitty movies, or stump for shitty politicians, or, I don’t know, have NASA shoot him off in space.
He wasn’t even the star of the one shitty movie, third in a franchise. The only one in that movie that can act and actually kick ass was barely in the third one (Jet Li). Can you imagine being the worst actor in a Sylvester Stallone movie and not being Sylvester?
I understand the draw to Arnold movies, I mean I’ve seen em, I just don’t understand why he’s driven to add to the legacy that, um, is kind of a joke. I am the public and I’m really Ok with him retiring, like before Conan, the first one.
Yeah, ok, I might be in a shitty mood this … year.
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