As things stand in The dating game

It’s been forever since I’ve written here. I read all the time, I occasionally comment, I even open this page and then find I have no inclination or inspiration to write.

As usual, it’s drama and uncertainty that’s brought me back. Actually uncertainty is the wrong word, emotional upheaval maybe.

I’ve met a boy. A really lovely boy who is not a weirdo. He’s 32, he works as a teaching assistant with special needs kids, almost by default making him a caring and kind person. We’ve been together for about three months, and I genuinely feel when I’m with him that I’ve found not only a partner but also a best friend. We laugh and laugh together, we’re silly together, it’s lighthearted and fun. I love him and he loves me. And not that crazy lustful love that I usually succumb to, genuine, creep up on you love, where we’ve actually taken our time and gotten to know each other and we truly like the good and the bad bits of each other.

Shame about his crazy ex wife. He’s divorced, has been for months but the house being signed into his name is still in dispute. Some problem with the amount to of money he can borrow against the mortgage in his own name being just shy of the payoff she’s after. The bank have said that as soon as she signs the paper accepting the smaller amount they will authorise a loan for the remainder but wouldn’t recommend applying for a loan while you’re also applying for a solo mortgage which is entirely reasonable.

So to my mind, she asks her solicitor to draw up an agreement stating that she’ll accept the lesser amount now, which is still the majority of the money, and will accept payment of the remainder by such a date. Make it legal, she’s protected, she’s getting the full amount just in two chunks rather than one. And realistically, one followed by the other, she’s not having to wait months for the remainder of the money.

Anyway, I digress, she’s not happy and wants the whole amount in one. Which is pretty much, at this moment, a physical impossibility. One of her demands is that no one steps foot inside the house while all this is being sorted. Not me, not even joey’s mum. He obviously told her this is ridiculous, is he just expected to put his life on hold for however long it takes her to make a decision regarding the payoff?

So I was sat there the other night, having spent all day at the hospital with joey, they thought he’d fractured his shin, potentially after hours, xrays and scans, it’s a tear to cartilage, he’s now waiting for an outpatient mri scan to determine exactly what’s going on. Anyway, he was about to cook me tea to thank me for spending the day at the hospital with him.

When the door handle rattles. He’d locked the door because there have been a series of break ins locally to him. So her face appears at the window, and I knew there was going to be murder. He let her in and she stormed into the front room and started screaming at me to get out of ‘her’ house. I just said I’d happily leave, this is an issue between her and her ex husband, and it’s not for me to get in the middle of. So I picked my things up and left.

She then proceeded to scream at me in the street in full view of all the neighbours. I’ve never been so humiliated in all my life, I was shaking like a leaf and had to stop after I’d driven off to be sick. In 30 seconds she’d reduced me to something I’m not, and never have been, she made me feel like a cheat, like the other woman, like I was doing something wrong by being with joey and an invited guest in his house.

I feel sick every time I think about it now. I feel ashamed, like we have something to be ashamed of. Like we need to sneak about. He’s pretty much been at mine ever since, because I’ve refused to even set foot inside his garden gate, let alone anywhere near the house. On the one hand it galls me on so many levels that this is the way things are, but equally I absolutely refuse to put myself in a position where she can do the same thing to me twice.

In retaliation for me having been in the house she’s now been to take any piece of furniture that she deems to have been hers, which would be an issue if it amounted to more than the TV cabinet and a wardrobe that isn’t even used. It’s just so silly and petty.

I just want it to all be over so we can get on with our relationship properly. It feels like she’s dictating when and where we can be together and it’s horrible. We were looking at booking a holiday for October but with joey needing to lay his hands on some cash, there’s a good chance that won’t happen. They have a meeting at the bank on the 20th of this month, what that will achieve or change I don’t know because they’re only going to say the same thing, that they can’t do the full amount upfront and she’s gonna kick off and it’s back to square one. I just can’t see how there will be a resolution anytime soon.

Xx