This work schedule is wearing me out. I like the work I do (it’s relatively simple and straightforward, and physically demanding), but it can be exhausting. And getting up at 1:30 am sucks, especially when I can’t force myself to go to bed before like 9 or 9:30. The 3:30 am shifts aren’t so bad. I have a pretty bad headache right now that I can’t seem to knock out.
All in all, I’m doing pretty well, though. Just thinking a lot. I have ideas about what I want my life to look like down the road, though… in a more broad sense. I’m just trying to figure out how to get there. Writing will help. Getting on a better work and sleep schedule will help. Once I get into my apartment, I can start to settle into that some, and get back to eating better. Then some sort of exercise plan, which I have a few ideas for. And I will probably have to start looking for another job by the end of the year. This one is just going to take a toll on me physically, and the early stage arthritis in my knees is starting to protest. And I want a job that will…offer me some opportunities to work in areas that I’m interested in, and that mean something to me.
The biggest thing is that I want to get my sleep and schedule (and overall health) to a better place so I can get my energy levels back up to where they should be (and where they really haven’t been in more than a decade now). From there, I want....freedom. Basically, I want the time and energy (and income) to do things that I want to do rather than just scheduling things around my work schedule. I know that’s selfish, but it’s the truth. I just have to figure out how to make that....feasible. I want to focus on enjoying things, experiencing things rather than feeling like my life circles around needing to work. That’s probably true for most people, honestly, but it’s becoming more and more of a driving thing for me. And something I think about a lot. I’m just not sure what to do with it yet.