Days of Whine and Roses in Packrat

I’m spazzing with everything that needs to be done - so of course I’m here rather than getting it done. After my barking, things seem to be settling down.
…Our budgets were due a couple of weeks ago. Mine still isn’t done. Our finance department sent out a memo that all departments need to “do our share” and pay utilities for our offices. They based the rates on the square footage of our office space. The tribe will continue to pay for what they call the “common areas”. OOookaaay - I asked what justification they have for this, since mine is a tribally funded program in a tribal building. I’m responsible for any money I request, and I want to know why I’m asking my funding source to give me more money for what it’s already paying for and will still be paying for in part. A simple question to answer if they have a reason - did I mention that my budget hasn’t been done although it was due a few weeks ago? I’ve been waiting on the answer, sending out the question a few times; I decided to finish my budget today without the extra costs and simply note that since I could not justify asking for the extra money, I just won’t. My budget is done except for the extra costs that can’t be justified. I also said that I can’t ask for the money with the only reason being “because Finance told me to”.
…I also have travel paperwork to fill out today, but that trip gives me something to look forward to. I’ll be going back to the land of the Wordsmith.
…Then I have two articles to write for the newspaper. Our editor is not a writer and doesn’t seem curious enough to find out the whys and whatfors, so any major story I do or we borrow from another newspaper. Most of the time I don’t mind, but when I have to squeeze the writing in during busy days (as all mine seem to be lately) I get peeved about doing it because it isn’t my job anymore.
Anyway, I’ll get started on those today and finish them tomorrow.
…The infamous play has resurfaced. Yale asked to present it at a law conference it’s hosting, with possibly a panel afterward, but this time at least the two who wrote it knew enough to ask for my blessing before they do anything.
With Yale requesting it as part of a larger event and providing the funding, I said yes. There are places where the play fits. When it was presented in Philadelphia, it was an equal part of the whole event that included a panel. The play and the panel helped each other. When it was scheduled to be presented at a conference reception, it fit there as well.
But then the playwrights wanted it included in the press conference that was set to announce our filing at the Supreme Court and the kickoff of the media campaign, it didn’t fit there and it got in the way as all decisions were held up or made for the play, which delayed announcement of the press conference (ultimately we didn’t have many people but we did have press) right up to the last minute. Then they jumped to volunteer it for another conference; any time they stage the thing, they need hundreds of dollars and expect someone else to pick up the tab.
No one from the tribe planned to be at that conference for reasons that had nothing to do with that stupid play, but because the playwrights decided that the play was All, one of them, the icon I yelled at, said we didn’t care about the case and distanced ourselves from the play. I’ve personally been part of this case for 15 years for personal and professional reasons and we’ve taken it out of the office and even held ceremonies for it, but because we weren’t going to be at the play we don’t care? All my sleepless nights thinking about this case, all the things that have had to wait because the case came first - I blew up.
The attorney who coordinates our weekly meetings said she said some things she regrets, although she hasn’t indicated that to me. I think she owes me an apology, but I’m not going to hold my breath. I feel some vindication that everybody has now been reminded that the buck stops HERE.
Anyway, now the play is off the table for the most part unless I say it can be used. I said Yes to Yale because I think it’s a fit there, but presenting it will go case by case.
…The United States once had an insane asylum just for Native Americans but many were sent there without diagnosis because they were traditional practitioners or stood up to agencies or schools. One of our tribal members, someone from my own family, died in the early 1900s and is buried there.
The cemetery is surrounded by a golf course and is owned by the county, but the county has allowed the fence to fall into disrepair with no plans to replace or fix it. A group there wants to put in a new fence and the flags of every Indian nation represented. We’re all for that.
But then the primary contact sent a poem that, while it is lovely, speaks of no one being left to remember these people or pray for them, and she wants to put the poem on a plaque there. That statement is just not true of our people and I’m sure not for some other tribes. We actually do have ceremonies to remember those far away or whose families no longer practice traditional ways, so I said it doesn’t speak for every tribe.
Rather than asking for suggestions for a resolution (I think only one paragraph needs to be tweaked, or a one line disclaimer could be added that it is not the opinion of every tribe) she told me since I’m the only one who “complained” (I stated a fact; I didn’t complain) she wasn’t going to change it, that no tribe practices the way we used to, and no one remembered these people except for one man who held a memorial service every year before he died. She said she lost her ways until she came back and if my ways were intact I was in the elite. Then she talked about all the things that put people there, about which I had no dispute.
I said she is not of my tribe and therefore cannot speak about our traditions in any way, that her experience is of loss and mine is of retention, that while we are grateful to the man who held memorials we have a way to remember our people that predates him, his grandparents, and their grandparents.
She sent me another email about my need to be on the defense and rambled on about things that made no sense, so I sent my final word - she apparently didn’t understand the point I was making, flattered herself to think she pushed me to be defensive; the bottom line is that the poem does not reflect the experience of our people, period.
She sent me another email I didn’t read, but I can see in my inbox part of the first sentence in which she says she wants to tell me how the poem came to her - I had suspected that either she or someone she loves wrote it, but that doesn’t change what I said. Now I have to find someone else on that committee to deal with, since we do support the project itself, but I don’t want to deal with someone so unprofessional or who doesn’t understand that, frankly, her opinion is of no matter for my people. I’m simply stating fact. Would she like it if I started to speak for her people with my own opinions? Even if mine is the only dissenting voice, whether she likes it or not, she has to heed what I say.
…A book has just been published that includes interviews with me, my counterpart, and a statement from the chief plus an excerpt from a newspaper interview with him. I have a private laugh - I wrote his statement, and I answered the questions in the newspaper interview (we did it by email, but I include things he’s said or felt, and we share pride in our history). My mother was upset that he gets credit for my words. Once we were watching President Obama give a speech on tv, and he said some good words. I pointed to the screen and said, “Somewhere, somebody’s mother is upset that President Obama will be remembered for those words!”
…Primary elections are this weekend. The top two vote getters go on to the final elections in August, unless one has 51% of the vote. I hope I’m not disappointed!!! Some candidates are in it for themselves or like to spout but don’t do anything; one of my own cousins is running as she has before but she’s been fired from every job she’s had, here and “out there”; I worked with her many years ago and she had no work ethic. No matter who is in office, no matter how many independent audits we have, no matter that the treasurer has invited tribal members to come and look at the books and ledgers, some tribal members always think the tribal government is hiding something from them.

The whine is done. The roses are in my niece’s cheeks.

Last updated July 23, 2015