I struggle with why. Why would they do this, why do I do that, why can’t I just…
I’ve been asking why since probably before I could talk.
What I’m struggling with now (one of the many, many things) is that most of the time, it doesn’t matter. When it comes to the way people treat other people, the reasons are only important insofar as understanding the behavior. But how important is understanding behavior when that behavior is actively harmful? Not nearly as important as fixing it, for sure.
I have this notion that in order to fix something you have to understand it first. While this is probably accurate as far as physical things go (can’t fix a car without knowing how it works), I don’t think it’s necessary to understand the reasons for destructive, abusive behavior in order to stop it. And in this case, stopping it is exactly the same as fixing it, at the very least from the victims’ perspective. If I’m hurting someone, the only thing I need to know is how, not why. What are the actions I am choosing to do that hurt people? That’s all I need to know in order to choose to stop. Does someone who is getting stabbed give a fuck what the root causes for the behavior are? Of course not. They just want it to stop. The person doing the stabbing is making a choice. A conscious decision to stab someone. They can just as easily decide not to.
I have been making the choice to abuse the people I love. I can just as easily choose not to.
And that’s all there is to it.
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