Shadows. in Thoughts.

Today I’m tired. Down right exhausted to be honest. I hate these days. Where all I do is work.

And I hate that I feel so exhausted by it all because.... I hold myself to higher standards than I’m always capable of meeting. I want to be able to do it. But maybe I’m just not. Maybe I have to accept that I cant…

It’s a lot easier to say than do though.

Basically, I’m doing what I can to survive. I’m doing my best to handle these two jobs so that I can save to get a car quicker. I’m picking up my pieces. I thought G and I were going to do this all together. It wouldn’t be as fast, but it wouldn’t be as hard. And I’d have him and he’d have me.

Some days it still feels wrong that we don’t have each other. I guess I’m just really missing him since he texted the other day. :-<. I have to push this feeling away.

The world feels heavy.

Yesterday I worked both jobs and today I’m doing the same thing. The couple of hours between the shifts don’t really do much of anything. And I still have to work the following 7 days. I’m already so exhausted. I’m already in so much pain.

I think this week might break me.

But I’m trying. I can only do my best. I can only push myself to be better. I can only do what I have to do to get by.

I got paid from both jobs for the first time yesterday. It’s pretty nice that I’m making double and such. If only I wasn’t so exhausted. So worn thin already. I enjoy my jobs. I really do. I enjoy being so busy. Spending so much time moving stops me from thinking about him.. about everything as much.

I’m just anxious today. I’m just anxious and sad and in so much pain and so tired.

This week has been such a mess. I’m such a mess today.