A thought kind of struck me, hurt a bit and was uncommon enough an occurrence that I thought perhaps asteroids or something were breaking off from a really small big bang. I mean it’s all perspective right? I don’t mean my delusions, I mean the size and the bigness of a bang. Oh, yeah, the thought, looking at a room littered with e-cig paraphernalia (so far removed from what is considered an actual e-cig that they look more like computer parts, scale model trains or transformers) that I wondered if the internet, that impeccable source of all that’s good and proper in this wiked world, had forums on the cigarette to e-gig to climbing Everest type of thing.
I’m still wondering, of course I didn’t actually type Everest into the query. I rifled through the most promising ones based on title and trustworthiness of domain name. Um, trustworthy criteria being if I heard of it before. So if Spanking big booty had an article … I kid, underneath my poor sense of humor exterior beats the heart of someone who really thinks he is funny.
There were three basic types. I assume had I looked at three hundred sites there would have been around a hundred of each. The first was the type of person I hate in general; 1) she makes a living off a blog, well written but fluffy, sort of like a good journalist stuck with cats rescued from trees. 2) She admits she wasn’t really much of a smoker and that her rebellion was tied up in parents and her first ex husband. 3) She went into vaping with the same attitude.
For the record every smoker hates the person who calls themselves an addict and smokes two cigarettes when they’ve drank seven apple-tini’s (that’s how much I hate them, I just assume her taste in alcohol sucks). If I didn’t need to smoke two cigarettes immediately after waking and go through at least two packs in a day I wouldn’t have considered myself addicted. Someone whose pack go stale before consumed isn’t just not a smoker but is an asshole for telling me.
Vaping isn’t just about not smoking cigarettes, there’s all sorts of gadgets, and yes, it has an addictive drug associated with it, but the gadget part is fun, the –I’m-a-horrible-addict-so-I’ll-quit-vaping-and-it’ll-have-something-to-do-with-my-romantic-life makes me want to do something terrible to her like marriage.
I have a personal problem with it too, when my ex became a lesbian she decided she was a drug addict, cigarette addict and an alcoholic. I know tee-totalers who drank more than she did. With her it was the attention of having been a bad girl who overcame the worse of vices with sheer lesbian grit and determination. She still collects AA Chips. Um, hard to lie about your age when you have a forty year chip. Just saying.
The next kind of forum was a vaping forum filled with comments that made me decide from the get go I wasn’t going to join one of them. Not only is it all a much of a muchness but they have some rhetorical habits that drive me nuts, like, for instance, referring to cigarettes as ‘Stinkies’. I don’t hate cigarettes, if I did I wouldn’t have smoked so many for so long. On the rare occasion when I smell someone smoking one, I linger and relish in the scent. It reminds me of bonfires and chimneys in winter releasing burning pine scent into the air. Something that is taught in sales training is to never denigrate the competitions product or the low end products you carry. I knew that instinctively, it doesn’t make the product look bad, it makes you sound like a whiney titty baby.
The disturbing piece about reading several pages of my favorite and most interesting of those forums is not a one was considering quitting vaping. I’m not either but I was looking for opinions alternate to mine. There’s a saying ‘Preaching to choir’ and it’s obvious it means explaining belief to believers. It also means boring the shit out of people who inherently have the same experience, it’s drilling homogenous screws into the coffin of boredom.
The third kind is, well, it’s like going to a forum on abortion because you are afraid, alone and pregnant and the site is run by pro-lifers. People with irrational hatred towards your stance on the subject, evangelists expecting to convert but not to listen.
The experience did however change my original opinion. I have vowed not to look that shit up again. I have devices that are cutting edge technology (new chips that regulate ohm resistance, voltage, wattage and have blue tooth) and devices that are strictly mechanical; copper conductivity tubes where the switch connects the battery; no chip, nothing regulated. Both are a joy to smoke but take tweaking to get to the perfect smoke, to the joy.
For the sake of the first blogger, imagine a romantic relationship like that, where you both tweaking position, attitude and genitals until you hit the sweet spot perfectly and you do it by trying different angles, approachs and levels of enthusiasm. It might not work well for paying the mortgage, raising the kids, emotional stability and security, but Christ you can’t wait to tweak the hardware.
This entry may be the closet I can come to an e-cig (Personal vapor) entry that doesn’t bore the socks off folks who aren’t interested in vaping. Not saying it’s achieved that goal, just saying it’s closer than any I’ve come up with to date.
I’m pretty fond of you fuckers and I hope despite your wicked ways that things are going well for you.
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