I'm back from my China trip and boy are my arms tired!
Yeah. My arms, legs, bootie, brain and mostly my soul. Jet lag sucks - really hard.
I need to preface this entry. I am not in my right head space and this happens every time I travel across the globe. I know I'm not the only one to suffer this phenomenon - in fact, I just did a Google search on jet lag and there are many studies on the effects and how hard it is on the body/mind/soul.
That said, here's a sucky story.
I have a fiancé. We've been engaged for quite a while now. Twice, in fact. The first time was for about four months when I found out that he has fidelity issues. We worked through most of it over a year-long-ish period. He kept trying to put the ring back on my finger and finally I let him. Hell, it's a gorgeous ring.
It's now been nearly two years since I found out about his stuff. I'm over it for the most part. He is so very, very good to me when we are together and has worked his ass off to make things better than ever - including counseling and therapy, lots of contact with my family and his own, tons and tons of time together, extra special treatment, lots of laughs and happy times and on and on the list goes.
It's just that when we're apart (and especially when we're 1/2 the world apart from each other or he's in Vegas like he is now) I get anxious and uncomfortable. And he gets terribly impatient with my concerns.
He thinks that I should be "over it" by now and that everything should be forgiven and forgotten. And yes, they are forgiven, they are NOT forgotten and never, ever will be. I'm sorry. I can't.
So the thing is, one would think that while either one of us is traveling we would do extra things to make sure the other feels secure, right? And I understand that there are business dinners and nights on the town that can't be avoided, but we should both be doing the things that will make each other feel like we are both on the same page when it comes to keeping in touch. Right? Am I right?
One would think. But weird things are happening now, and I'm just feeling off. We need some more help, and I'm really sad about it...
We look so amazing together in photos and on paper. Why can't we be those people for real?
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