Been awhile in The Wanderer

The ball finally seems to be rolling along again. I can’t wait to start talking to someone once I figure out which therapist my insurance will cover. I want to finally heal old wounds…and there are a lot of frikin old wounds. I also want to be more mentally peaceful. I have a lot of blockage that seems to affect me daily. My moods are still fluctuating like a bipolar nut and my attitude towards a lot of things remains bitter, but at least I am acknowledging it and hopeful of change. I am finally in a position where I don’t feel stuck at that place where my chaotic past is ricocheting in the rear view mirror as my car idles at the stop sign wondering what path I should take. The path is emerging because I am taking one step at a time and things are somehow opening up to me. The fact that I will be receiving about $6,000 per year for school is amazing and therefore, I choose CSUSB. Also because ULV had NO classes open for me that I needed and the adviser advised me to take “Sports Psychology” since it was the only one open, made the choice that much easier. I have roughly 12 classes to take and I am done with my undegrad and ready for grad school. I can see it glimmering up ahead. And I am certain I won’t be stuck idling when the question, “Which grad school should I go to?” is consuming my mind. Because I know it will be an opportunity to get out of California again, and I am hoping Andrea will be ready for grad school as well and her decision will greatly influence my decision and we can finally be at that one place together again.
My dental work is slowly, but surely coming along. I am so glad I have a dentist I can trust and works with my financial limits. I have ONE more tooth to work on and I am pretty sure they will be all set, for awhile at least. I had to get one extracted last week, which means now I must save for an implant–but I have 6 months to a year to get it put in so that should be enough time to save up for it. And I have decided when I am finished with school, I will move back in with my parents for awhile and have the jaw surgery (which I will make sure is covered by health insurance, even if that means having to buy an insurance that covers it). Not looking forward to that, but it is about a year and a half-two years away! I have also planned a savings that I am not going to use for ANYTHING but moving out of here. I opened up a savings account and every month 100 is transferred over, which I made very difficult for me to touch even if extremely tempted. As far as my relationship with Derek goes, either he gets on board or he doesn’t. But I decided early on, his lack of motivation to get his life together will not deter me from pursuing my dreams. If a goodbye in our future is a must, at least it won’t be anytime soon and I am enjoying the time we spend together and excited for our many vacations we have planned, including North Carolina/Tennessee/Alabama trip, Massachusetts/Vermont/New Hampshire trip, and next year cruise from Seattle to Alaska!