Siblings/BJJ/Recovering Health in New Beginnings

My brother got engaged a month or so ago. He and his fiancé are having an engagement party in St. Simons Island mid-May, and I will have to attend. Rather, my dad obviously wants to attend and doesn’t feel comfortable driving himself. I expect it to be awkward. It’s been several years since I’ve spoken to my brother or sister. It must have been 2012 when I sent them that email estranging myself from them. Curiously, I’m not really angry with them anymore. I don’t know if I’ve made peace with the whole abandoned-dad-lost-career ordeal or if I’ve just grown weary resenting them. I feel like it’s the former, but I don’t really have any desire to reconcile, not that we were ever close to begin with. I’ve finally arrived at a mentally and emotionally healthy place, and I’d rather not risk disrupting the progress I’ve made. My sister, especially, gives very little thought to the impact her actions and words have on others. I can easily imagine her trying to make small talk with me and obliviously saying something that (to anyone else) would obviously aggravate some of those painful memories.

Yeah, it’s going to be awkward. A part of me kind of regrets sending that email, but another part me feels like if I didn’t, holding the pain in would have only made me bitterer. I suppose I can attend the party, be quiet and polite, and even hold my tongue if one of them inadvertently provokes me. I hope that’s good enough. Still, it’s not my preferred way to spend three of my vacation days. It also falls on an inconvenient weekend. My Jiu-jitsu gym is having a promotion ceremony that weekend, and the legendary Royce Gracie will be attending. Not that I wanted to slobber all over him with celebrity worship, but it would have been a novel experience to shake his hand. I’m more bothered by my not attending reflecting poorly on me. It takes a solid two years of training just to move up one belt rank in GJJ; promotions are a big deal, especially with those moving on to higher ranks. I gave my instructor an advanced notice, and he was very understanding, so that makes me feel better.

Speaking of GJJ, I had a somewhat frustrating experience with in class last week. We were learning the triangle choke from full guard, which requires a lot of steps. I could remember all the steps, but being my first time attempting it, I needed to execute it at a much slower pace. My slower pace shouldn’t have been a problem, but one of the assistant instructors took a special interest in my partner and me. Any time I paused to remember the next step, he would make me stop, then show me the entire process again on my partner, then show the entire process another time on me for my partner to see. He would do that almost every time one of us paused. Of course, he would fly through his demonstration, which kept it from being any kind of helpful. I get the impression his intention was not so much to help us as it was to showboat. His fourth of fifth time I wanted to tell him, “We get it, you’re awesome, and we’re noobs. Can we at least try to do the entire technique on our own?” Thankfully, I can easily hold my tongue in the presence of someone who knows how to separate my limbs from my torso. Note to self: when I get to purple belt, don’t do that.

On a related note of physical activity, I’ve been fairly diligent about rebuilding my strength. I can finally do ten chin-ups again. I think I’m going to reorganize my workout routine to include more weight training. I think I’m getting to an age where I can’t just rely on calisthenics anymore. I also think doing such a high volume of repetitions is causing me some overuse problems. Most recently, I pinched a nerve in my left elbow. It’s mostly all right, but if I rest that arm on a table in a specific way, it becomes numb. I hope that goes away with rest.