There's no dignity in death in A new era

I had a message from a friend about my grandad. We got chatting and he went on to say there’s no dignity or grace in dying, you can only hope there’s no pain.

I have to disagree. I’d like to think in work we give people as much dignity as possible, as much choice and involvement as possible and help them and their families to have as peaceful and as dignified an experience as is possible.

Being on the other side, being family, is something entirely different. My grandad is being looked after by a wonderful Kosovan with a truly beautiful soul. You can tell she genuinely cares, and i feel entirely confident he’s in super safe hands. I feel bad for her that she’s been working all weekend but when doctors are thin on the ground and on call over the weekend, I know she has some initiative and will make sure he gets what he needs.

He continues to be unwell, his breathing is erratic, his heartbeat is erratic, they’re on top of his infection but he continues to have mini seizures which means he’s still bleeding in his brain. I wish he’d just close his eyes and go to sleep quickly. He’s holding on and on, and it’s soul destroying.

I sat on Friday and watched him and my grandma hold hands. Then later on that evening he gripped my hand with vigour. I’ve watched him hold onto his whole family. And I wish I’d taken photos of those moments. They would make the most stunning black and white photographs. And while there may be no dignity or grace, there is love, and bravery and humility in those moments. They’ll be forever imprinted in my mind and on my heart, but they would have made beautiful photographs to cherish.

Xx