Moaning minnie in A new era

I am struggling with my mother’s selfishness right now. I know life has changed for everyone since my grandad went into hospital, it’s an endless round of visiting, making sure my grandma is OK, taking her shopping, running her to the hospital, doing little jobs for her etc.

And I know to my mum they’re just her in laws. I know my grandma is selfish and spoilt, my grandad has pandered to her her whole life and since they retired twenty years ago he’s done everything for her. Yes she’s lazy, and yes she expects that if he’s not doing it someone else from the family will. I know she wants things done when she wants, that she doesn’t like to compromise, that it’s a major issue for her if she wants to shop on a Monday but can’t go til Tuesday.

But my god, if my mother has moaned about it once. Since the first stroke last year everything has changed. But my mother drives me mad. I deal with everything related to hospitals and medicine for both of them. I’m 30 years old and work full time. My mum doesn’t work, and she’s had her family and kids. I’m sick of listening to how much she’s sacrificing.

I know my dad could do more, and my aunty and uncle border on ridiculous with how little they’ve done for them over the last year. But it comes down to what type of person you are. If you have a conscience, if you can live with seeing them just once a week knowing their age and frailty. I’m not that kind of person. I couldn’t sit at home on my day off and make them get the bus to an appointment, knowing how bad my grandad is on his feet and how scared my grandma is that he might have a seizure while they’re out alone.

It makes me so angry when she’s going on. I know my grandma has been spectacularly wicked to my mum at times, and has, fairly recently, make a comment along the lines of neither of her daughters in law being family. Given that she’s known them both for over 30 years, and they are the mothers of her grandchildren, that’s just insane. But at the end of the day, they’re still my grandparents. Whatever they mean to my mum, which I’m beginning to suspect may be less than I thought, they are still my grandparents, and my heart is still breaking, for both of them.

Whatever my grandma’s faults, and she has many, she is still facing losing her husband of 61 years.

The stupid thing is, my mum would do anything for them. I just wish she’d stop moaning about it first and being so resentful about it. Either do it and get on with it, or say no and let someone else step up.

Xx