So, I’m going back over to the Bulldog’s this afternoon, and I’m planning on spending the night again, so I’ll probably not get back on tonight to write at the end of the day. I find writing at the beginning of the day much better for me because I tend to be able to check it off the list. At night, I’m either exhausted or fucking around (unless I’m on a business trip) and I don’t get the writing out.
It’s gorgeous outside - absolutely a beautiful day!
My parents brought the puppy back to me. I think they couldn’t wait. They told me that they won’t be doing that again (hi, Trellis!) because she was just too much to handle, what with her torturing the cat and all. I say “HA” to that…that cat almost killed my mom, and they are still coddling it like a child. Of course, I understand the relationship, dysfunctional as it may be.
Last night with the Bulldog was really nice. I think he missed me a lot and I missed him and he wanted to impress me with the sushi place and all. It was fine - I really liked it, but it’s in the little Chinese district here in town and it reminds me a lot of China and the fact that I’ll be going back there sooner rather than later and China is not my favorite place. Still, it was a very nice evening. He read some astrology stuff to me, and I know that’s weird to some, but I am fascinated by it as well as his absolute expertise on the subject.
The bad thing is, he’s still on this notion that he’s going through a horrible period and it’s gonna last a while. I absolutely believe him, and even though he’s worked on the negative stuff, there’s really no denying that it’s a bad thing. I see it. I feel it.
So he’s super protective of his heart.
We spent a good deal of time discussing “things” this morning. He continues to push me away because he thinks I’m going to be SO outta there when the going gets really tough and I understand all of this now.
So herein lies the dilemma: if I stick with him and hang on, it’s gonna be a bumpy, bumpy ride. If I go now, it’s because I’m saying that I don’t want to go with him through this bumpy thing because I can’t handle it, or don’t want to deal with it.
And really, why should I? There’s no commitment, there’s no declaration of love, there’s not even public hand holding!
Hmmmmmfff.
OK. I gotta get in the shower. I need to seize this lovely day and time’s slipping by.
Don’t forget: Spring Forward tonight!
Love and warm thoughts,
GS
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