not your mother's imagination in 2015

Feb. 19, 2015
1:49pm

I keep having to change the settings every time I want to type an entry because my typical layout [of grey and dark] ends up wanting me to type in light grey on a white background. Not good for the eyes. It seems like most people like the light background and dark letters, as opposed to the dark with light that makes it easier for me to read. Does that mean I have weird eyes? Or is it special eyes?? =P

The rest of this is probably going to be more of the same ol’ stuff. [Hey! I live in a small town, there ain’t much going on when you spend all your time inside. don’t judge me ;)]

So maybe I crossed a line with CK last night. Like into the gutter mind realm that should be kept hidden from most people. hah! And there may or may not have been some flirting going on? I’m not sure.
Is it weird that I’m not sure? haha. We were saying stuff and then I said something that could have been taken incorrectly. Only I didn’t realize it until after he made a comment about it. Something along the lines of my imagination making things up about him. And it went to that place where suddenly everything you say sounds inappropriate and there’s no way to pull it back. He said he hoped my mother’s imagination didn’t find out about it! haha. And that my mind must be a total creeper.

I was going to reply with a couple random witty things, but decided against it. I was already getting ready for bed, it was after 11 o’clock, and I figured it was best to let it go until morning. Had I continued then he probably would have replied [waking me up like the night before at almost midnight!] and that would have prompted my urge to keep the conversation going. Plus I probably would have gotten into more trouble had I kept going.

I sent a reply this morning, but mostly it said that I’m glad I fell asleep last night because I would have dug the hole deeper with any sort of explanation.

It’s weird in the sense that we’re both pretty serious people, at least around each other so far, and hearing certain words come from the mouth [phone?] of that shy conservative homeschooler kinda shock me sometimes. We’re much more relaxed now and reaching a new comfort level, I think. But it’s not quite awkward yet.

I don’t want to get to a point where it’s weird between us. Where I’m running in the other direction because I don’t want to be that close to anyone. I’d hope not to reach that stage with pretty much anyone again.

Of course I didn’t have time to finish this two days ago. So many distractions at work, geez!

Actually the other day it was because one of our clients brought his son and the little guy was in the back with me. He kept hiding behind my chair and we did the whole, “where’d you go? I can’t find you” thing as he switched from side to side. He also had a habit of touching things and I didn’t want him to mess with the computers so I turned it off. Who knows what kind of message he would have sent y’all!

So back to the thing:
I kinda like this new comfort level but at the same time it’s making me a bit nervous. Like are we hitting that place where there’s that unspoken thing going on in the background? Because I really can’t tell with him. He’s always been pretty impossible to read and I like to think I’m really good at reading people. But without knowing what he’s feeling, I can’t decide what I’m feeling. That probably doesn’t make sense. It shouldn’t matter what he’s feeling.

It does though. I mean, I’m fine with where it’s at. There are so many different factors at play here. At the same time, I might be fine with it going somewhere else too. Depending on where that other place is and how we’re going to get there. This all makes sense in my head, I promise. ;-) It’s just really hard to put any of it into words.

At this point I mostly just like talking to him. He’s easy to get along with and he’s fun to mess with because he doesn’t always get things right away. I know he’s a lot smarter than he lets on. He’s got so much to say if he just feels comfortable enough to say it. And I like to listen. =) But we’ll see. I am seriously trying my best not to get wrapped up in this.
[which is probably too late anyways. I tend to do that sometimes…]

rose.
4:05pm