Could've died today. in Adventure Log [01]

Right now in front of me is the half-full 60-mL bottle of a cheap energy shot drink I bought today out of curiosity (and need). I’ve been feeling down for some time and couldn’t get the motivation to even have fun, so I thought maybe an energy drink could fix me up.

I can’t have coffee since I’m very sensitive with its effects (I get shaky and my mind becomes fuzzy). I thought about chocolate or ice cream, but that would just send me into a sugar crash later on. So while browsing through the beverage aisle for beer, this caught my eye and decided to try it out.

I was rather excited especially because I had good experience with Monster before. Upon opening, it smelled like cough medicine. Took a sip, tasted like expired bubblegum. It was saturated, so I didn’t want to gulp down the whole thing at once. I noticed that I had better attention after a few minutes, so I tried to take a bigger gulp this time.

My nape started to feel weird. If it was tight, it would most likely be from high blood pressure. It was just, I don’t know, like something blunt pressing on and squeezing it. I suppose that is ‘tightness’. I took deep breaths and it went away.

After a while, I took a good swig down again. After maybe a minute, I felt that nape thing again. The sensation spread throughout the circumference of my neck. I felt my airway getting uncomfortably narrower. My face started to feel warm, as if someone hung me upside down, gravity filling my head with blood.

I immediately thought of what I should do if my airway closed up completely. I didn’t have the courage to stab my throat with a pen in case I really needed to. I thought about taking an antihistamine in case it was an anaphylactic reaction, but it wouldn’t help in time unlike epinephrine.

So I went out of my room and hoped that my mother would notice if I ever collapse or become unconscious. The funny part was that I really should’ve told her what was happening to me so when something bad happens, she can tell the doctor and I can get proper treatment right away minus the guesswork. But no, I was ashamed and kept it to myself.

I’ve thought about it for sometime now. What would it be like if I were in my room and something happened? How do I call for help? What if the same happens to my family? I get so scared when I wake up in the middle of the night with an excruciating calf spasm to the point that I try to muffle my scream, reassuring myself that it is just muscle cramping. That it is not deep vein thrombosis and I am not getting a lethal pulmonary embolism or anything.

What I appreciate from this kind of experience is that I realize that I am capable of calm thinking despite the terrifying circumstance. It’s a great confidence booster. I never really am the type who is good with improvisation.

Well, anyway, I’m fine now. No more physical symptoms except for the increased mental acuity which might be a placebo effect, or an adrenaline rush from the thoughts of dying.

It’s rather pathetic to think that this may just well be the highlight of my week. Death by energy shot. Good lawd. I still have some left. Might experiment sometime soon with ants.