The Catholic Thoughts Sunday, September 10, 2006
When I was about 27 my mother found out for the first time that I had had sex. She was brought up a pretty devoted Catholic. My brother and sisters and I had attended a Catholic private school for a while. We all sat down to dinner and prayed before each meal. “Bless oh Lord, these thy Gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.” I remember my mother sitting me down when I was about 8 years old and going through the signs of the cross.
“How do you say the signs of the cross?” She asked me one day. “In the name of the father, son, Holy spirit Amen,” I replied. “No,” she answered. “It’s In the name of the father, and of the son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.”
She was a pretty strict Catholic. I could give you more examples, but I won’t bore you with Catholic stories. So, when I had told my mother about having sex when I was 27 she was shocked. She could NOT believe that I wasn’t still a virgin. She lectured me about “free love” as she called it, and how it’s wrong.
Now I have gone and had premarital sex with C in hopes of getting pregnant. I know my mother will flip out. I know she is going to be disappointed in me. She’s going to expect C to marry me. I am not sure if either one of us want that. However, I know after my mother gets used to the fact that I am pregnant, (If I get pregnant) she will absolutely melt. She hints to me all the time about how cute a baby will look in my arms. It’s just the initial shock she is going to go through that is going to be hard.
As for my father, I have no idea what he is going to do. I can’t even imagine. If I get pregnant, my father will either be really happy, or really mad. I have no idea. Being that I am the last born out of 4 children, I am still his “baby.” I just hope he is happy for me. I don’t think I could handle having my father being disappointed in me. I think out of everyone I know and love, my father being disappointed in me would be the worst.
I was born and raised Catholic. I like the Catholic Church. I like it because it’s structured and I feel comfortable in it. I went to mass every Sunday for 18 years straight. Some days I miss it. I don’t go now because I don’t like to go alone. I don’t necessarily believe in all the things the Catholic Church preaches, but that may be just because it’s hard. It’s hard to be good all the time. It’s hard to not have premarital sex. It’s hard to be kind all the time and giving all the time. It’s hard to repent all your sins. It’s really hard to forgive everyone. That may be why I have a hard time with the Catholic Church. I believe maybe that’s why most Catholics find different churches. I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. What I know is, I want a child. I am almost 31 years old and childless. I have the opportunity to have a child. I took that opportunity.
…And while many people will think that this is wrong, or this is immoral, or this is a crazy thing to do, I am at the point of my life, where I can finally look past what other people think and look at what I want in life. The extraordinary part of all of this: I am not afraid. All the things I wrote about in this entry are concerns to me, but they aren’t fears as they would have been just a few years back. Even more, if I don’t get pregnant, I think I may even feel a bit of disappointment. However, I will know in my heart, that if I don’t get pregnant—at least I did something about it this time. I went after something I wanted and there will hopefully be more times.
After all, C did give me keys to his apartment.
Her PS. Much more to come. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
Leave a Note
I am an atheist, even though I'm really believing some form of 'karma' more and more. That being said...
I have faith that, one way or another, everything will work out for you. You're a good person, and that goodness will be repaid. [JKD Student]
9/10/2006 1:24:35 AM
Oddly enough, I feel like premarital sex should be required but then my beliefs are considerably different than some of the stuff you were raised with.
If you hope to have a child with C I hope that there is at least a decent chance of you two ending up married. Being a single parent is awfully difficult.
[OddJohn]
9/10/2006 1:32:03 AM
My dad is very religeous as well and when I told him that my boyfriend at the time and I were living together he freaked out and asked if it was in seperate bedrooms!I wanted to save myself for marriage for most of my life but I met the man I loved very much and I wanted to share that special thing with him.I don't think it will send me to hell like my father claims,and I am happy with my decision [Cherry_Lifesaver] 9/10/2006 1:51:43 AM
I hope this all works out for you!!! [PiratePrincess] 9/10/2006 2:11:34 AM
My mom and dad where both shocked when I got pregnant. It wore off and now they can't imagine one day without Blake. He is the "apple" of their eyes.
Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe that.
hugs [One Crazy Mom]
9/10/2006 2:17:02 AM
honestly no parent wants to know you have sex. even when i was an adult and got pregnant my parents freaked because they had to face the fact that i was doing it. i think premarital sex is needed. sex isnt the most important thing but if you cant physically connect on top of the emotional and mental connection you cant be together. it causes problems. i think you know what is right for you and if the god you worship feels that its not right he will expect you to ask for forgiveness. believe me..there is not enough room in hell for all the people having premarital sex ...im sure even your parents had it. dont let them lie to you. [muted exposure] 9/10/2006 9:55:59 AM
I was raised Catholic as well, but no one in my family is really Catholic anymore. My mom switched to a Baptist church and now resorts to stuffing religious pamphlets in my bags while I visit, b/c I don't belong to a church. Anymore I don't think going to a building every week and reciting stuff from memory does anything. If I had a choice I would start a church that was based around community [Serenity17] 9/10/2006 10:14:36 AM
service. It just seems that actually getting up and doing something, as opposed to praying, is much more productive. I dunno that's just my thoughts. Anyway as for premarital sex, it should happen, not at too young of an age, but you won't know if you work together unless you try it. Look at the divorce rate, I honestly think a decent amount of marital problems stem from a bad sex life. [Serenity17] 9/10/2006 10:17:25 AM
Mind you I'm not saying it is all about sex, but it really can make a difference even if two people are perfect together otherwise. Wow talk about a tangent there. I'm proud of you for doing what you did. You saw something and were brave enuogh to go after what you wanted. And well you know what you want, I can't say that so much for myself. Hope everything works out for the best. [Serenity17] 9/10/2006 10:19:00 AM
;) [Pickled Duck Lips] 9/10/2006 11:26:07 AM
I too was born and raised catholic, so i know about the upbringing. My father drug me to church every sunday,even after he and my mom divorced. I even attended catholic school from 3rd grade until 7th grade. My mother was very upset when i got pregnant when i was 19 and engaged. My father took it much better,and now my mother adores her grandkids. Plus i agree with other noters, premartial sex [InsaneMomof4] 9/11/2006 12:23:00 AM
should be required, of course not until a certain age anyway. I consider myself catholic,but dont attend church on a regular basis. As a parent i must say IF my kids are beyond the age of 21, i dont wanna know about their having sex. But you are not some little 15 year old having sex, you are an adult woman. IF its meant to be, it will be,thats what my grandfather always said. [InsaneMomof4] 9/11/2006 12:27:17 AM
But really, even if your parents were disappointed, for how long will that even last? Probably just initially, I would imagine. Once they realize you're giving them yet another grandchild I would hope that they would see past their beliefs and be supportive of your decisions.
Besides, it's not like you're sixteen or seventeen and choosing to do this. You're a responsible adult with a good, stable job who knows what you want. That says a lot. [ephemera] [p]
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