Hidden Tuesday, September 05, 2006
My boss, Teresa, told me something that I didn't know about myself...
When I was 12, I was lets just say, "hurt," by a neighbor. I was so emtionally messed up from the whole thing I kept talking to my friend, Tanya about it. One day she looked at me and said, "Shut up, I am tired of hearing about this."
So I shut up.
A few months ago I was demoted in my job. Many nights I cried myself to sleep thinking that I must have been doing a bad job. It was eating at me every night. I couldn't get the anger and bitterness to stop. So finally on Friday I went and talked to Teresa.
When I told her how I was feeling she was surprised. She said, "I had no idea you felt this way. You showed no signs of still being upset."
So that is what I discovered. I am one of those people that hides everything inside. I don't really like that about me. I wish I was more open. But, I assume I am afraid of getting the whole "shut-up" answer again. Kumbi actually told me to stop crying once. He just looked over at me and angerly said, "Shut up. Stop crying."
So I did.
That's all for tonight.
Her
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I used to cry and be upset and people would either roll their eyes at me or tell me to stop. Now I bottle everything up and my friends now ask why I do that if I'm hurting. It's very confusing. Find people you trust and talk to them. If someone give you the stop sign, stop being their friend or tell them that they aren't being supportive friends. You deserve support. [liberal_libra1981] 9/5/2006 12:24:37 AM
things happen in life to shape how we do everything else. i hope that you can express yourself a bit more now that you realize what you do. [muted exposure] 9/5/2006 8:27:31 AM
I don't know what to say, that's so awful to be treated that way.
[OddJohn]
9/5/2006 8:38:35 AM
I've never actually been told to "shut up" (how horrible it must be to hear that. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that) but I have had people change subjects and/or interrupt me with "yeah everything will work out" before.
I am not open with my feelings at all. Not in person, not here... I'm sure it's not the best thing to - keep those feelings bottled up inside, I mean - but I don't imagine I'd change that. Mostly because it's maddening and kind of embarrassing to have people blatantly show that they really don't care.
And then there are the ones who listen and then spread the word to everyone they encounter. bastards.
People are frustrating. [ephemera] [p]
9/5/2006 9:31:41 AM
I'm sorry you feel that way. Some people are cruel and don't know how to react or have empathy with tears or tough subjects. At least your boss knows how you feel and you may feel better about going to work. [lostonthesea]
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