The Feeling Of You Monday, September 04, 2006
I am dreaming of you again. It’s such a strange feeling to have a person that hasn’t been in my life for almost ten years, to have such an influence in my life. Once I begin dreaming about you, it doesn’t stop. Every night I will dream about you, and I will never know when it will stop. The whole viscous cycle makes me think that I just saw you yesterday. It makes me feel like you are still in my life, and that you are going to walk in the same room as me at any moment. It makes me feel that you are going to call me and I will answer the phone emotionless. I won’t be happy that you called. I won’t be afraid that you called. I won’t be sad or bothered by your call. It will be nothing, except your voice mixing with mine exchanging ideas, thoughts, and meaningless trivia. Immediately after waking from a dream of you, I feel an extreme feeling of desire for you. I feel I need you towering over me, in charge of me. I need to feel that power that you once had over me. However, I don’t want to feel the power that you still have over me at this time. It’s a horribly complicated and unwanted feeling. The feeling of you. However, is it really that complicated? I think I may be just making it a lot more difficult than it really is. Everyone wants to feel wanted, loved, and desired. So after having a dream about someone wanting you in such a strong and powerful way, it only makes sense to wake up wanting more. I am not supposed to though. According to the laws of human “normalcy,” one should never want someone that is dangerous, or unstable. A person should stay away from anyone with an anti-social personality disorder, as you had. These laws should remain strong, even when it means making a lonely person feel in company. You make me feel weird inside. Really strange. What’s the word I am looking for? Anxious, that’s the word. Just the thought of you makes me nervous and unsettled. I wish I could just let go of you completely. I don’t know how. Some days I wake up and there you are. Walking with me. I step to the side to let you pass, but you always just follow me. I really wish you would stop doing that. Some days I actually hear your voice. You have that soft gentle voice that sooths people, in an almost eerie way. But mostly, I live with you at night, when I am sleeping. Every night that you visit it’s the same. You search for me. I let you find me. Your vision hides in shadows and closed eyes. You voice mixes with whispers and winds. However, your essence lives inside of me, so deep inside of me that only I know it exists, and even I miss it sometimes. It truly is a strange feeling, the feeling of you.
Her
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Leave a Note
I'm sorry that these thoughts/memories are recurring and bothering you.
I know it's none of my business but I'm curious: are you someone who seeks out D/s (dominant/submissive) relationships? The description you give above sounds very much like a D/s relationship.
If you are, I wish you luck finding a guy who can satisfy that part of you while still being a "normal" guy.
[OddJohn] [p]
9/4/2006 4:07:13 PM
RYN: the frontline meds and carpet treatment seems to have done the trick nicely. We've been flea free for over a week now. I'll probably treat the carpets again in the next couple of weeks just to make sure but I think it's all good now.
Thanks for the note!
[OddJohn]
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