Koalas sleep 18-22 hrs a day in Procrastination Journal

Aughhh

This is stupid AF

I can’t let this ruin Step 1 for me.

I need to rectify my sleeping schedule so that I can rectify my being awake time.
Ever since the new year (since I came back from winter break) this is killing me…

Here’s how it usually is
–Wake up in the early afternoon
–Eat, and generally sit around doing nothing for an hour
–finally try to start doing the lectures I missed today (and last week)
–go to sleep in the middle of a lecture sometimes
–take a break that’s too long
–more lecture attempts
–eat at around 11pm
–go to bed and dick around on my ipad or phone until roughly 5AM when I finally put it away
–actually go to sleep

No one should live like this!
Even if I’m up most of the day, like yesterday, I still am on my little machines all night, even when my eyes are tired, and it’s not until 5am that I freak out about having to be awake in 2 hrs and try to go to sleep, and when I do wake up at that 2 hrs, I say “fuck it” and skip lecture again.

Even during the summer, when I had to be with the campers from 8am till God knows when, and then at the hospital at 8:30am every day and I stayed there until four, I still went to sleep right when I got back to my room, and stayed up all night. No self control!

This is the Wooooorssssst. [Jean Ralphio voice]

My coach, who is a pulmonary medicine doctor, so she does a lot of sleep medicine stuff–She gave me a bunch of tips that are super easy to follow.

But it’s hard when you have no self control and a weak will!
I wish I had saved more ativan (from like 9 years ago) so I could relax myself and try to go to sleep that way. OTC sleep medicines don’t work, and I could probably take the whole bottle of melatonin and still stay up–that’s how screwed up my sleep cycle is. I’m like a blind person.

As it is, I’m going to stay up until I’ve finished all of yesterday’s and today’s lectures. It’s 6, but a couple of the modules (online lectures) are pretty short, so…

I’m going to look for a vault with a timer on it, or some sort of app that will let me disable my devices from like midnight until around 7 am.

Sometimes I really wonder if it is the devices though, I’ve been doing this nocturnal bullshit since I was little, and I didn’t have a laptop or an iPad or a smartphone back then–most of that shit didn’t even exist, and I was too scared to go down into the basement (the computer room) at nighttime… it was either TV or books that kept me up all night. I fondly remember the first day of 8th grade, where I hadn’t slept at night because I was still on summer vacation time!