Gin and Dreams in Steps to Change

I was up too late last night. Currently, regret tastes of gin, and while I’d like to be able to tell you that good things happened, or that everything went to hell, the truth is to the left of it all.

For probably the tenth time, I’m giving up on anything happening with my current interest. It probably won’t stick, but it’s a nice idea at least. In the meantime, I’ve ceased all other efforts to date and am instead trying to focus myself on the reasons I stayed.

I keep straying, but I really didn’t stay for relationships. It seems weird to say, but what I mean is that I didn’t stay to focus on relationships, or to prioritize them. I stayed for writing, for programming, to get in shape.

So that’s what I’m turning back to.

As part of that, I am slowly, ever so slowly trying to connect with other writers that I know and stay connected. Not for bullshit networking reasons, but because I honestly think it will help to have other people to talk craft with, to bounce ideas off of, to work with even if I don’t write with. Writing can be a lonely profession, but from what I’m seeing of those that make it, they don’t make it alone.

Ditto for programming, actually. It’s me getting serious about what I want out of life.

Which isn’t to say that I don’t want love out of life, just that it isn’t the kind of thing I can make happen. I can look for it, encourage it if I find it, and work on what opportunities I have, but it is dependent on other people in a way my other goals aren’t. And I’m tired of trying for something that might not be there.

So instead, I’m working on what I do have control over: myself, my skills, my creativity.

It’s not the best, but it sure as shit ain’t the worst.