Hung with an old friend. He's a strange one. Bad influence. Charismatic. Bad combo. Bad combo indeed. Did some old bad things but its different. Back then I had a lotttttt of spending money. I had alotttt of free time. I wasted a lot of money back then. But Like I've said. I'm smarter now. I have things going for me. I'm not about to blow it.
I've been in a bad mood lately. I've just been negative. Life can Just be so hard. I found out Ashley fucked two guys already. It hurt to hear at first. Let's be honest. It sucked to hear. This whole Ashley thing is a cancer. Thinking about her too much or seeing her feeds the bad part of me and weakens all my positive. Its a cancer. I feel like crying sometimes but no tears come. I'm afraid of becoming cold like my mom. It would be so easy to just become depressed and robotic again. But I know its not good to do that. I don't want to lose meaning. Dangerous thoughts occur this way.
I've been snappier at work. Or quiet. People notice both. I'm not the usual Adam. I hate it but its so hard. I wish I could find a different job. But this a decent job and its so close to my house that it would be dumb to quit. Unless I find another one close by or at least third shift. A small part thinks It would be sad to not see Ashley ever again but when I'm honest with myself I am happier when shes not around and happier when I'm not thinking of her. She's a cold person honestly. I don't need it. She brings out a lot of not so good thoughts.
I wanna do my oush-ups but I'm not sure how up to it I am tonight. I might just suck it up and do it anyway.
I just feel like shit overall. I'm no sure how I'm gonna sleep. I'm gonna be thinking way too much. Just gonna watch movies or something.
BOQ #24
Are there people you envy enough to want to trade lives with them? Who are they?
No. I try to believe I still have time to become the person I want to be.
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