I’m absolutely a full steam ahead kind of person. All in. 150%. All or nothing. Thus… living in the moment is… hard. Especially when the moments are incredible. I just keep reminding myself though… slow. Be present. Experience it all. Don’t rush it. The same thought runs through my head though - I’m already scared of the moment this one is done. Damn, it’s going to sting at this rate. Badly.
Sunday Jr and I just exchanged some random texts at the end of the day. Nothing big. Simple. Sweet. He initiated it. I liked it. Today I was controlling my wanting to text him - because persistent isn’t attractive - and he randomly texts me at 1-ish and asks if he can stop by. Umm, I’m homeless but absolutely. He tells me he was just working in the neighborhood and wanted to say hello. When he arrives he doesn’t want to come in, reiterates it was just to say hi, we visit for a few, he gives me a sweet kiss and heads back to work. I simply walk inside smiling like a child that just found their surprise. So freaking sweet. So simple. Which is so freaking attractive. I then smiled all day.
Then at the end of the workday I thanked him for stopping by and just mentioned I really liked it. We talked for a bit and he invited me to dinner. I was already at dinner with my daughter and declined. She then encouraged me to just go after dinner. He accepted, telling me where to meet him. So, afterwards she took E home and I met up with him.
Another peaceful evening - he was seen with me in a public place. I was a little scared he’d just keep me a secret. Why? I have no idea because I haven’t dated anyone local in years? Because I’m constantly waiting for the bottom to fall out? He didn’t though. So that was a false thought obviously. He didn’t wait ages to invite me out again or see me again. Sighhhhh. Gosh, my standards are set low. He’s blowing them out of the water though.
She dropped me off at the diner he was at. We grabbed to go food and headed to a spot on the river in town. Sat and watched the sunset. He taught me how to skip rocks. Seriously. Could never do it. We then just sat closely and watched the rest of the sunset. Talked more. Packed up. He drove me home. Walked me to the door. Thanked me for coming and kissed me amazingly. He’s commented he needed to go get laundry done and left his truck running. So I assumed he didn’t want to stay and just playfully told him to go get his laundry done and I’d see him next time. He left. I returned inside. Smiling. Again
He is seriously so freaking nice. I know I’ve only saw him 4 times, but still. The impression he’s left already. Wow. He’s gorgeous and getting more attractive by the day. Living in the moment. It’s rough. I want to fast forward on this one badly. I refuse to though. Slow. Like maybe a little slower or less dates so close together. Two dates and coming over twice in a few days is a lot. More than I was expecting. Really though, I had zero expectations.
This one just feels… different. Like I keep constantly expecting the worst and being pleasantly surprised. Everything is exceeding my zero expectations by a landslide. I like it but boy I’m scared of when the bottom falls out. I want to live in the present yet I don’t want to be blindsided and hurt.
I guess for now I’ll just try to enjoy the small moments. Not think about the negative what ifs but the current happiness. I’m scared I’ll never find my person but I now realize I don’t want to settle. Ever.
I honestly can’t wait for what’s next…
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