Rick has this perpetual frown the past few days that makes him look like a character from a Tim Burton animated movie. I am trying to tell myself it is just his own feelings about turning 60 and not being where he thought he’d be. I cannot fix that. I have tried talking to him about it. It’s this cyclical discussion. He’ll be okay for a bit, and then he starts talking about never having time to work on his passion project.
In the past when this has come up, I kept telling myself that he resented the time spent on me, because I needed him, and THAT was the reason he couldn’t work on his stuff. But I did a little experiment… on the days he said he was going to work on his stuff, I gave him a wide berth. I worked on my own stuff, quietly. I did not engage with him, if possible. And his ADHD came out. He was unable to sit and work for hours without interruption. He would take long breaks to game. To watch a tv show. I get it, I am in the same boat. I have a very hard time completing ANYTHING.
The conclusion I came to was that he didn’t have an issue with lack of time, only a lack of time management. That is easy enough to work on. Once you identify the issue, it is easier to break up into smaller bits.
He was sitting on the couch, looking like a downtrodden grave digger ala Burton, and I sat down next to him and said, “You think you haven’t completed your opus. But look at your kids. Your step daughter. Me. Everyone who loves you. You’ve done some really cool shit, and you are SO HARD on yourself.” My words weren’t landing how I had hoped it all would. I said something I had been avoiding, “I feel like I have given you the time and space to work on your projects. So there’s not a lot I can do other than encourage you. I know you can do it. ” He didn’t look any less worried.
Maybe I should’ve been more tough love. I heard my mom’s voice trying to creep in. “If you want something different, change it.” I refrained. There is a part of me that will grow to resent him if the work situation doesn’t improve soon. That is the last thing I want. I don’t want him to think I am a nagging old crone. I am doing what is within my capabilities to bring money in. It’s keeping the utilities on, and that isn’t anything to shake a stick at.
Yesterday, I felt like I had been trying to make him smile. Tried to spend time with him. We watched a lot of tv. We made a collaborative dinner of split pea soup. We had chorizo, so that was used in place of a ham hock. I had planned on making a single batch, but Rick decided to make two batches in one go, in the Instant Pot.
It was absolutely delectable. Chorizo provides that smoky saltiness that you get from a ham hock, but punches up the heat, just a little. It did not have cream in it, but still had quite a creamy texture and flavor. I added a dollop of sour cream, but it really did not need it. I served toasted sourdough baguette slices.
No plans today, just packaging up two sales- both from my own personal wardrobe. Fancy clothes I have no need for. No point in keeping things I won’t use. Forty five dollars for a vintage corset and seventeen for a pretty bright pink blouse with a bow at the neck. Hoping I sell a few more things this weekend.
I have thirty eight dollars to spend on Rick’s birthday. Museum trip and lunch. A couple of years ago for his birthday, I got us free tickets to the Grammy museum. All we had to do was pay for parking. It is a super fun museum, and he really enjoyed it. After, we used a gift card I had for Panera, and we got value lunches. If anyone can find a deal, it’s me.
I have a cool birthday banner in black and gold that spells out, “Happy Fucking Birthday”. His birthday dinner will be lovely. My bff sent him a gift. His mom is gifting him a movie gift card for his favorite theater, so he can take his son to movies. He has said repeatedly that he doesn’t want things as gifts, so I am treating my organizing of the museum outing and lunch, along with cooking and baking for his dinner are my gifts.
I attempted to plan an actual party. I could not nail him down on what he wanted. He finally said he did not want a party, or a meet up, or anyone coming over. Okay. So I put out a post on Facebook asking if anyone wanted to send him a birthday card. I got a few responses, which s super cool.
His mom messaged me. “That’s all you’re doing for him?” Ummmmm, no. But I am also respecting his wishes. I have asked him to reiterate his wants repeatedly. Mom says she’ll send $100 for a nice dinner. I know what Rick would say, but I asked anyway. He said we honestly need the money rather than a nice dinner out. His mom was upset I took two days to get back to her. Then she thought that I should message Rick’s contacts and ask them for birthday cards. NOPE.
Rick said one of his favorite things to do is read birthday messages on Facebook, so getting a physical card doesn’t hold any more meaning. It is the message.
He compromised and accepted that she was going to buy the movie theater gift card. It will give him something to do with Bix.
I started to tell Rick we can take Bix to the beach with us for my birthday, and also on our camping excursion, but honestly, I want time just for us, too.
Speaking of camping- I searched most accessible camping for disabled people near me, and it brought up a campground near the entrance of the Angeles National Forest, which is just about 45 minutes from here. There are 19 campgrounds with flat areas for tents, a picnic table, and a water spigot. There are vault restrooms throughout the campground. The best part is that there is a creek that runs through the middle of the campground. So you’re steps from a babbling creek. There are shade trees covering a majority of the campground.
It’s highly rated. There were a few reviews talking about unruly families coming through. Dirt bikes. Loud music. But that is the luck of the draw with camping in a convenient spot that only costs twenty dollars a night. You can check in at 11 and check out is at 11. So a full twenty four hours for twenty. If we happen to find the camping stove, and if Rick has the inclination to clean it and get it operational, I would be down to bring it. If for nothing else than hot coffee, lol.
I just told him I want to make a large batch of a cocktail and put it in the vintage push dispenser drink container I have. Cocktails on demand for camping! I have spent quite a few hours on camping prep. Even though there is no concrete plan, and every time I bring it up, Rick just nods and says ok. Is it acceptance that I want to do this and he’ll just make it happen? Or is it like a yeah, sure, lady… you think YOU can camp? He says he knows planning things makes me happy.
I am not sure what the plan is. I may have a pick up to do from Facebook Marketplace. Someone is giving away their bins of scrapbooking supplies. Very well organized with all of the stickers in binders. I am just waiting on a message back. There is also an estate clean out near our apartment and everything is free. That’s my idea of fun.
Anyone doing anything fun this weekend?
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